Waiting for a Train
by flutegirl.anita
Summary: Buck reflects on moments shared with his wife. A woman he met while waiting for a train.
1. Chapter 1

Buck was exhausted. He looked over at Teaspoon and knew he was feeling it too. They had been tracking bank robbers for several days and were finally on the way home. Teaspoon sent Jimmy and Kid ahead with the prisoners and now he and Buck were on their way home.

"You gonna ask Rachel to marry you?" Buck asked slyly.

"Now, Buck, why mess with a good thing?" Teaspoon asked rhetorically. "Rachel and I are getting along so well. I think it would ruin it if we got married."

"I used to think that way too," Buck said. "I used to think things would change for the worse and then Paulina and I got married and things got better. Now we have a daughter and life is good."

"Buck, I've been married six times before," Teaspoon said. "If there's one thing I have learned it is this. Nothing ruins a relationship with me quicker than to get married."

Buck laughed. "I don't think Rachel would say 'no' if you asked her," he noted.

"I'm too set in my ways," Teaspoon claimed. "I'm not as easy going as you lot. Where did you meet that wife of yours again?"

"At a train station," Buck said.

"At a train station," Teaspoon repeated. "See, you youngins do things much the same as an old coot like me."

"Well, I'm not going to get married six times," Buck said. "I didn't think I would get married once, but I found the one woman for me."

"At a train station," Teaspoon teased.

"At a train station," Buck confirmed. "I guess it proves that love will catch you anywhere. Like you and Rachel."

Teaspoon waved his hand at the man that rode beside him indicating he didn't want to talk anymore about it.

Not much had changed between the men. Buck still looked nearly like he did at the time the Express ended. His hair was a bit longer, but it was still the same. He had a new hat. Paulina insisted that his tattered hat needed replacing. His newer one still resembled the old one. Buck was very set in his ways about clothing. He still favored shirts in hues of purple, blue, or gray.

Teaspoon had not changed much either. He still wore his black derby with the laces around the edge. A bit more of the lacing had become frayed and loose, but Teaspoon like his hat and wouldn't wear a new one. Rachel had purchased a couple as gifts, but Teaspoon was not really interested. His hair was grayer and his skin a bit more weathered, but he was still as spry as the day Buck had met him.

"Weren't you supposed to meet your wife at the train station this week?" Teaspoon asked breaking the silence.

"Yes, and when you asked me to help you track those bank robbers, I sent her a telegram and asked her to take the stage and then rent a buckboard," Buck bragged. "She should be at home waiting for me by now. Much like Rachel would be doing for you."

Teaspoon was about to argue again but his attention as well as Buck's was drawn to a horse in a harness galloping toward them.

"Well that don't look good," Teaspoon said. "I imagine there is a buggy or buckboard that is missing their horse somewhere ahead."

Buck kicked his horse into a run and Teaspoon did too. They were not far from the fork in the road to Buck's farm. As they rounded the corner an overturned buckboard came into view. Buck and Teaspoon slowed their horses to get a better view of the accident. Buck looked the scene over from where their horses stood and saw something familiar.

"Oh, no," Buck said weakly. He tried not to go into shock at the sight in front of him.

He kicked his horse into a gallop. His mind was paralyzed with fear so his body took over. Paulina's crumpled form was lying in the road underneath an overturned buckboard. The wailing of a small child could be heard and the sound caused Buck to spur his horse faster. He jumped down from his horse as soon as he arrived at the wagon. Paulina was shielding their daughter from the weight of the wagon that had pinned them underneath it. The little girl was quietly sobbing asking for her mother to wake. Buck's whole world stopped as tried to figure out how to save his family.

Buck would barely remember jumping from his horse later, but his feet found the ground and he stumbled on his way to running to them.

"Paulina?" he cried as he crouched next to her. His hands were hesitant to touch her. He did not want her to be real. If she were real that would mean he might lose her.

"I'll go get the boys and the doc," Teaspoon said and he and his horse became nothing more than a cloud of dust.

Buck finally let himself touch Paulina's light sandy brown hair. The tears in Buck's eyes started to cloud his vision. She was real and she was breathing, but she was hurt. Buck blinked the tears away. "Paulina?" he repeated. "Please wake up."

Paulina was still and did not stir and Buck's attention turned to the sobbing and screaming of his little girl. The girl was somehow being shielded from the wreckage by Paulina's thin body. Buck took care to remove Lark's tiny squirming body from underneath Paulina. They had just celebrated their little girl's second birthday the month before. He looked her over as she cried and when he found her to be mostly uninjured, he comforted his little girl. She had some scrapes and bruises but that seemed to be all. Lark grabbed a hold of his shirt and wouldn't let go.

"Shhh, Llittle One," Buck soothed. "Papa's here." He stroked his daughter's hair and held her firmly.

"Mama!" Lark sobbed over and over into Buck's shirt.

Buck began to rock his daughter while trying to assess Paulina. As she started to quiet, Buck moved Lark over to his hip so he could free his arm to check on his wife. There was no way he could free Paulina from the wreckage even if he set Lark down. Buck would have to wait for Teaspoon to return with help.

Buck stroked Paulina's hair. He needed her to wake up. "Please, open your eyes," he pleaded. She did not move for what seemed like hours but was perhaps only a minute or two. "Paulina?" he asked as her eyes started to flutter open. "Sweetheart, can you hear me?"

"Buck?" Paulina breathed.

"You're going to be alright," Buck said calmly as he continued to stroke her hair.

"Horse spooked, I lost control," Paulina said drowsily and then her pale brown eyes snapped open. "Lark! Where's my baby!"

"Shhh shh, calm down," Buck said trying to hold Paulina down with his one free hand, "she's right here. She's alright. You saved her."

"I need to see her," Paulina insisted.

Buck shifted his body so Paulina could see Lark. The little girl turned her head and reached for her mother with her hands.

"You need to lie still," Buck advised. "Teaspoon went to get some help and the doctor. They should be back soon.

"Teaspoon was here?" Paulina asked.

"We were just on our way home from the posse," Buck said trying to keep her awake.

Buck heard hoof beats and the sounds of wagon wheels and looked up at the road. Teaspoon was on his way back and had brought the doctor as well as Kid and Jimmy back with him. Buck stood back and watched helplessly as his family worked to free his wife. He clutched his little girl as tightly as she clutched him. All he could do was watch. He could hear more people coming. He suspected Rachel would be along with a buckboard to take Paulina home. It was closer to his house than it was back to town.

Buck handed Lark off to Rachel and he helped Teaspoon, Jimmy, and Kid lift the wagon up while the doctor carefully pulled Paulina from underneath it. Buck took Lark back from Rachel and freed her up to help the doctor make Paulina comfortable in the back of her buckboard. Rachel offered to take Lark back, but Buck didn't want to let her go. Instead he rode back to his home clutching his baby girl the whole way.

* * *

As Buck sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at his wife, he felt the emotion well up inside him. The doctor had just left. He said there was no reason to think she would not get better. He said that it was up to her now and it would just take time. He was still worried but something in the way the doctor had reassured him made him feel better. Paulina had to be alright. Buck did not dare to think otherwise. They had been through too much to be together.

Their two year old daughter, Lark was curled up in his lap asleep. Her arms were still holding onto his shirt, refusing to let go. She was mostly uninjured in the accident. She had a few cuts and bruises but that was all. Paulina had shielded the little girl from harm. She had said as much.

Buck had to believe Paulina would be alright as well. He should have met with them at the train. It was the original plan. He could have protected them. Instead he had agreed to go on a posse with Teaspoon and left them a message to rent a buckboard. She had driven a buckboard hundreds of times before. This time shouldn't have been different, but it was.

It had been hours now. The doctor had left for the night, but Buck knew the rest of his family would be keeping vigil in the downstairs of his house. He knew Rachel would come up soon and try to get him to rest or try to take his baby from him. Lark would wake and wouldn't let herself be torn from her father. Buck wouldn't let her go either. He couldn't, not when he'd been so close to losing her.

Paulina was sleeping so peacefully and for that Buck was grateful. She was a beautiful woman. More beautiful than Buck thought he deserved. She was just as beautiful as the day he met her, maybe more.

* * *

_Buck had been waiting for a train. He would be traveling from Saint Louis to Kansas City and from there he would take the overland stage to Rock Creek. He was on his way back from visiting Jenny Tompkins. He had thought that maybe she was the woman for him, but that turned out not to be the case. They had fine time catching up with each other, but nothing really sparked between them. Jenny had changed since leaving Sweetwater. She was not the same woman Buck remembered. Buck probably would not have even been on that trip if it was not for the nagging of all his family. Teaspoon and Rachel had settled down with each other and someday, maybe, Teaspoon would make an honest woman of her. Kid and Lou had a couple of their three children by then –Peter and Ellie. Their second boy, Seth was on the way. They all insisted that Buck should look for a wife. They could tell how lonely he was. He knew they were right, but he did not have any prospects in Rock Creek. _

_The train was not leaving for several hours, but he had nothing else to occupy his time. He had sat for a good hour waiting for it already. The wooden bench at the station was hard and unforgiving, but he sat and waited. Most of the travelers didn't seem to notice and the ones who did were usually too busy to do much more than scowl at his presence. He was about to take a walk when he saw her. Her skin was pale and delicate, but her eyes and her smile were what immediately caught his attention. They seemed playful, pleasant, and inviting. Her hair was tucked underneath a feathery bonnet save for a few curly tendrils that framed her face. They bounced about her face as she rushed toward a train. The conductor had just called "All Aboard!" In her hurry, the leather strap on her suitcase snapped. Her bag fell open and her belongings were strewn along the dirty floor of the train station. Buck, of course, got up to help her. She was blushing as she frantically gathered her things. The train started to pull away as she screamed for it to wait. It was no use. She plopped down on the ground in defeat and looked over at Buck who handed her a few articles of clothing that she had dropped. She was wearing a deceptively nice traveling dress. It had all the features of someone with money, but upon a close look, the edges were revealed to be frayed and tattered. Her shoes were also well worn. She almost looked to be trying to pass herself off as someone or something she wasn't._

"_This just isn't my day," she said kindly. "My name's Paulina Talbot."_

"_Buck Cross," he replied. "I'm sorry about your day. Perhaps I could help make it better."_

"_Oh I don't know about that, Mr. Cross," Paulina said. "I just met you."_

"_Well, I can at least carry your bag for you while you make travel arrangements," Buck offered._

"_I would be so grateful," she said. "Perhaps you can bring my things over to that bench."_

_Buck smiled. It was the very bench he was sitting on. His belongings were already there._

"_I'd be happy to," he said smiling. There was something about Paulina that he liked very much. He situated her bag next to the bench and made room for her to sit. _

"_I don't know what I'm going to do now," she said. "That was the last train this week to Chicago. Where are you headed?"_

"_Kansas City," Buck said, "and then on to Rock Creek."_

"_Is that where you're from, Mr. Cross?" Paulina asked._

"_Please, call me Buck," he answered, "and yes it is where I am from. Are you from Chicago?"_

"_No, but I was hoping to make a fresh start there," Paulina said. "Is Rock Creek a nice place?"_

_Buck smiled and gave a small laugh. "It is a lot smaller than Chicago," he remarked. _

_Paulina looked thoughtful. "A small town could be exactly what I'm looking for," she said._

_They had talked for well over an hour and Buck had even sprung for some refreshments. Paulina had decided during their chat that she would buy a ticket to Kansas City and possibly even travel as far as Rock Creek. It was the start of their love story. It was one that Buck and Paulina had told to Buck's friends at a family supper, almost four years ago._

* * *

"That's where I first fell in love with your smile," Buck whispered to the silence.

Paulina's smile was one of the most beautiful things about her. All through their time at the train station, Buck kept trying to make her smile just so he could see it. Her smile would make her eyes sparkle. No one could be unhappy around Paulina when she smiled.

* * *

**A/N: I got attacked by a bunny. This story took up half my November and I'm done with it now. I just need to make sure all my matches are arranged so I will be posting chapters daily from now on (there are nine). I have to thank Mercy and Paola for their help with this story. They have given me wonderful feedback and if it weren't for them I wouldn't be nearly as happy with how this story turned out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Buck wiped a tear from his face. That had been an interesting day, but this was another day. He had to be strong for his girls today. He gently kissed Lark's forehead as she slept. He was glad she was sleeping. She had been through too much today. It was a miracle she was not hurt. Paulina had saved her life and he wanted her to know that just as soon as she woke up. She wanted Paulina to see Lark's smile. Lark had Paulina's smile. She had his eyes, but her smile.

He looked down at his sleeping daughter again. Every day, Buck and Paulina would notice something new about their daughter. There were things they could see as coming from one or the other of them. Lark's hair was dark and straight like Buck's. Her skin was lighter than Buck's but not as fair as Paulina's. Her nose was definitely Paulina's, while the shape of her ear lobes was very similar to Buck's. She was a perfect blend of both of them.

Buck heard the door open and close behind him. Rachel was trying to be quiet, but he knew she was there. He knew why she was here.

"Buck, I've got some coffee on," she whispered. "Do you want some?"

"Please," he said.

Rachel stood in place and Buck knew what was coming next. "Why don't you let me take Lark and put her in her bed?" she asked.

Buck shook his head. "She needs me," he said quietly. "I need her too."

He did not hear Rachel move. "Well, how about I get Kid or Jimmy to bring some blankets? She should be lying down."

Buck nodded his assent. He would have to put the little girl to bed at some point even though he wanted to hold onto her for dear life right now. A few minutes later the door to the room opened again. Rachel returned with coffee and Kid and Lou came in with the blankets and started making up a small pallet for Lark to sleep on.

"Why don't you let me tuck her in," Lou suggested crouching in front of Buck.

He shook his head. He was not ready to be parted from his daughter.

"Rachel brought you some coffee," Lou coaxed.

Rachel handed the mug off to Lou who held it out for Buck to take.

"The doctor said she would be fine," Buck said brushing his hand over his sleeping child's hair while he watched his wife sleep.

Lou looked up over his shoulder and looked back at him. He figured she and Rachel shared a look between them. Of what, he did not know. Buck blinked back the fear and took the coffee mug from Lou's hand. He took a sip. The liquid seemed a bit bitterer than the coffee Paulina made. He felt Lark shift on his leg and realized Lou had eased the little girl from his lap. Lark did not seem to even fidget or wake. Buck knew it was for the best that she slept in a better place than his lap. Buck took another sip of coffee and looked back to his wife. He set the coffee aside and took her hand in his. He stroked it lightly to let her know he was there.

"We'll be downstairs if you need us," Lou whispered as she gave Buck a slight hug from behind.

Buck heard the door close behind him. He pulled Paulina's hand up to his lips and placed a tender kiss on her knuckles. Her hands were always dainty, but he knew from experience they were strong. She helped build their house. They had been living at Rachel's house for the winter and in May they started to build their house. Buck had some bought some land before they even knew each other and had always wanted a small farm. It had some nice acreage for crops and some good grazing land for horses or cows. Buck naturally gravitated toward horses. Paulina liked gardening. She said her mother taught her how. Most days Buck and Jimmy would work on the construction and Paulina would work on the vegetable garden. There were also days when Jimmy could not make it and that left Buck and Paulina to work alone together.

There were many things about Paulina that were surprises. That she knew how to swing a hammer was one of those things. She didn't know much more about building a house than just nailing boards down, but that was a major part of the work. Buck and Jimmy did almost everything else and most of the dangerous parts. A smile came to his face. He was thinking about one day when they were still framing the house and Jimmy had to work with Teaspoon, so it was just the two of them. All the two by fours were up, but the walls weren't really built yet. They would need to put clapboards on the outside and planks on the inside as well as add the insulation in between. The goal for the day had just been to get the walls framed and ready. The house looked a bit like a skeleton of what it was to become. They had just put the floorboards down on second level and Paulina was still hammering them in. The walls were framed and the next steps were to finish the walls and put up the roof.

The construction, that warm July day, didn't go as quickly as Buck had planned. Mostly that was because Paulina liked to play a little more than she liked to work. He remembered her lying on the floor and leaning through the upstairs wall. She hung herself over and lowered herself so she was face to face with him.

* * *

"_Buck, hand me some more nails and pegs please?" Paulina said hanging herself upside down from the upstairs floor._

"_I really wish you wouldn't do that," Buck said with a worried look._

"_What this?" Paulina said letting her arms fall below her head. "Look, no hands!"_

"_Paulina Cross, I don't know what I'm going to do with you," Buck said smiling. He walked up to her and climbed up on a few boxes so he could look her in the eye._

"_You don't huh?" she said flirting. "Well, I have a few ideas." _

_She put her arms around Buck's neck the best she could a nuzzled his nose with hers. Buck stood on his tiptoes and brushed her lips with his. _

"_Do they go something like this?" he whispered then started to kiss her lips. The kisses were light and every time Paulina tried to pull him closer he pulled away just out of her reach. He knew he was teasing her, but he really liked to get her all riled up._

"_Oh you think you're clever, don't you," Paulina taunted. "We'll see about that."_

"_Oh yeah," Buck taunted back. "What are you gonna do about it?"_

"_Catch me and find out," Paulina said. _

"_What?" Buck asked almost frightened._

"_I said, catch me," she repeated with a wicked smile. She slid her body off the upstairs floor and into his awaiting arms. She knew she scared him, but she wanted to put that rush of adrenaline rush to good use. It would officially be the first time they had made love in their new house. _

* * *

Buck often thought Lark had been conceived that very afternoon. The timing would be right. It was the first of many afternoons they spent working on the house and making love. Teaspoon always joked about how long it was taking them to build the house, but Rachel and Lou always gave them a knowing smile. He couldn't help smiling himself. Buck looked back to the bed and closed his eyes. If he could will her awake he would do it.

Buck and Paulina planned their house very carefully in the winter months after they were married. They would break ground in the spring. They wanted to build their house to last for as long as they lived and longer. Someday their children and their children's children might raise their families in it. Buck had Kid help him pick out good lumber and the two of them built a solid foundation. Paulina did not want to be left out and insisted on helping. Buck was skeptical at first, but the way she swung a hammer, honestly surprised him. It wasn't the only mystery about her he'd encountered, but at least it wasn't as perplexing or as dangerous as the first one.

It was a simple house. It had a nice sized kitchen in the back of the house with a water pump in it. They both wanted to be sure they wouldn't have to worry about fetching water from a well at all hours of the night or in bad weather. Paulina asked for a hearth as well as a stove for cooking. She was a great cook, so Buck was more than happy to comply. There was a separate dining room in front of the kitchen and a parlor with another fireplace to make it nice and cozy. Paulina had also insisted on a water closet to be installed in the house. It was a luxury he didn't deny her. Kid and Lou didn't even have a water closet. A split staircase led to the upstairs. There were three bedrooms up there, a master and two others. They hoped they would fill the two others with children. At the time they had been unsuccessful, but now they had Lark and her bedroom was across the hall from theirs. The hall between rooms in the upstairs was nice and wide. Paulina always kept a table in the hall with a vase of flowers in the spring and summer.

Paulina shifted a bit on the bed as if she was trying to come back to him. Buck gripped her hand tighter and fell to his knees at the side of the bed.

"Paulina?"

Buck's voice was raspy and dry. "Please, open your eyes," he implored her.

"Buck?" Paulina said drowsily. She opened her eyes but could not keep them open. "Is our baby okay?"

"Lark is fine," Buck said to her. "She's just fine."

"I'm so tired, Buck," Paulina said softly.

"It's ok," Buck assured her. "It's all gonna be okay now."

Paulina smiled weakly. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too," Buck said and pressed his lips gently to hers. "Sleep now, you need your rest."

Paulina drifted off to sleep as Buck held her hand. She looked at peace and for that Buck was glad. It had been a hard day. The coffee in his mug was cold now and he really wanted more to keep him warm and awake. He gave a look over to Lark. She was still sleeping soundly. Buck looked back at his wife. Most of the time he loved watching Paulina sleep, and he knew she needed her rest, but right now he really wanted her to be awake and well. He first watched her sleep on the train ride to St. Joe.

* * *

_Buck had just met her hours earlier, but there were so many questions that went unanswered in that time. He had not known her long enough to ask, but the longer they spent time together the more he wanted to. The train ride to Kansas City would be about fifteen hours. They talked briefly on the train but eventually they ran out of things to talk about that were not too probing. She fell asleep soon after that. Buck found it curious how soundly and easily she slept. It was as if she was completely comfortable in his presence or maybe it was the train itself. She did not seem like a stranger to travel. It was unusual for a woman to be traveling alone and especially unusual for anyone to, on a whim, change their travel destination. It was almost as if she was running from someone or something and had been for some time. _

_Paulina woke up in the middle of the night and looked across to the seat Buck was sitting in. He was awake and looking at her quizzically. She did not make any sense to him._

"_I know what you're thinking," she said quietly. They were not the only ones on the train, but as far as Buck could tell they were the only ones that were awake._

"_What am I thinking?" Buck asked playfully. He did not want to force her into a serious conversation she did not want to have._

"_You're thinking that maybe I'm not the person I pretend to be," Paulina said, "and I'm acting sort of reckless."_

"_You're right, that's what I'm thinking," Buck said although he did not want to add the other things he was thinking like she was trouble, on the run, and looking for someone to protect her. She had all the hallmarks of someone that could get him killed._

"_You're not wrong," Paulina said calmly. _

_Buck took this as a conversation as an invitation to ask questions he would not have necessarily asked. She seemed to have attached herself to him for whatever reason and was giving reason to suspect she would follow him all the way to Rock Creek._

"_What are you running from?" Buck asked carefully. "Do you have an angry business partner or husband out there tracking you."_

"_You cut me to the quick, sir," Paulina said in mock offense. Buck's face hardened and she softened. "I suppose it wouldn't reflect well on me if I lied to you, would it."_

"_No, not really," Buck said. "So which is it, an angry husband or someone else?"_

_Paulina shifted uncomfortably. "Someone else," she said gravely. "It isn't something I feel comfortable talking about in public. I hope you don't mind if I remain quiet on the subject for the time being."_

"_How long have you been running, if that's not too dangerous to ask?" Buck inquired._

"_It seems like it's been forever, but really it's only been about a year," Paulina said._

"_That's a long time," Buck observed. "Is your life in danger?"_

"_I'm not sure," Paulina said, "But I don't want to find out."_

_Buck did not think he believed that Paulina did not know if her life was in danger. It was written all over her face that she knew it was._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Thinking about Paulina being in trouble was a little too much for Buck to think of and he just needed some air. Paulina was sleeping and Lark was sleeping. He could get some more coffee and perhaps talk with his family in hopes of relaxing. The doctor said she was going to be alright. He just needed to believe it. Buck slipped out the door and walked quietly down the stairs. He could hear Lou talking and Jimmy too. He sat down on the steps and listened.

"I remember when Buck first brought Paulina to meet us all," Jimmy said.

"That was a bit of a disaster, wasn't it?" Lou asked with a quiet laugh.

Lou was right. It was a bit of a disaster. Buck had met Paulina in the middle of May and it was July when he brought to Rachel's weekly Sunday supper. He had never brought a girl home to meet his family before. He wanted it to go perfectly, but it had gone every way but. He could not help smiling. The rest of the family really did not know the half of what happened that night with Paulina. Buck needed to remember times like that one. He needed to remember the happy times and believe that there were many more to come.

* * *

"_Oh Buck, are you sure they will like me?" Paulina asked as Buck helped her into the buckboard._

"_No, but I like you," Buck said with a mischievous smile. _

_Paulina hit him on the chest. "I'm being serious," she said. "Nobody's family ever likes me. I always say something stupid and then they hate me."_

"_Relax, you're gonna do just fine," Buck said smiling. He hopped up on the buckboard and sat beside her. "There is one thing I need to tell you before we leave."_

"_What's that?" Paulina asked curiously._

"_I only told Rachel today that I was bringing someone with me to introduce to the family," Buck said hesitantly. "She had no idea we've been seeing each other."_

_Buck flicked the reins and the horse trotted along the road out of town. He looked over at Paulina, who was processing the information. A wry smile spread across her face._

"_I'm a well guarded secret?" Paulina said with a hint of glee. "I've never been one of those before."_

"_I just wanted to warn you," Buck said. "They're all probably going to be looking you over really close."_

"_Do they do that with all the girls you bring home?" Pauline asked playfully._

"_I don't know," Buck answered. "I've never brought home a girl before."_

_Paulina's eyes grew wide. "Stop the wagon," she said. She jumped off and started pacing._

_Buck secured the reins and jumped down. He gathered Paulina in his arms. She beat his chest with her fists. _

"_It's gonna be alright," Buck said softly._

"_No, no it isn't," Paulina said. "I'm a strange girl and they aren't prepared for it. They're going to tell you they don't like me. It won't even take long. They'll probably even say it to my face."_

_She broke his hold. "Take me home," she said. "This just isn't going to work tonight."_

_Buck was struck paralyzed at the thought. He could not come alone to dinner. He watched her pace and think. He loved watching her think. There were moments of hope and delight, but mostly it was scowls and frowns. He did not think anyone could be so beautiful when they scowled, but Paulina was one of a kind._

"_Dammit, I have to go or I'll never be able to show my face," Paulina said. "Every time you show up to dinner without me will color their expectation. Any hope I have that they will like me, which is slim already, will be gone."_

_She climbed back in the wagon and crossed her arms. "I'm angry with you," she announced._

"_It will be fine, you'll see," Buck said smiling hopefully. "We'll be the first ones there. You'll be able to meet Rachel and you'll hit it off."_

"_Are you sure we'll be the first people there?" Paulina asked._

"_Yes, I'm always the first one there," he said with a hint of bitterness in his voice. "There's a good chance that it will only be the four of us. Kid and Lou, their children, and Lou's siblings Jeremiah and Theresa are usually slightly late when they are there at all and well, Jimmy hardly ever shows up anymore either."_

_Buck could not have been more wrong about the situation. He knew everything was different as soon as he pulled up to Rachel's house. Teaspoon and Jimmy were sitting on the porch. They were both keenly interested in the passenger on his buckboard. Buck could tell from the other wagon that Kid and Lou were here already too, but most surprising was the US Army branded horse tied to the hitching post. Buck swallowed hard. He turned to Paulina and gave her a nervous smile._

"_I don't want you to get upset," Buck said after letting out a deep breath. "We're not the first ones here."_

_Paulina took a deep breath and let it out. "Alright, I can handle that. It just means I'll have to get used to more people right from the start."_

_Buck winced. "We're the last to arrive," he said as calmly as he could._

"_Oh," Paulina said and bit her lower lip. _

"_There's more," Buck said sheepishly. "It looks like Cody is home from the army."  
_

"_Who's Cody?" Paulina asked._

"_He's been gone for so long I didn't even think it was possible he'd be around," Buck tried to explain. "He used to ride with us for the Pony Express."_

_Paulina closed her eyes. "This is your whole family, isn't it?" she asked._

"_Yes," Buck said, "But I'm sure they're gonna love you as much as I do."_

"_I can do this," Paulina repeated to herself over and over. "I can really do this."_

"_I'm sorry, Paulina," Buck said. "I didn't mean for you to end up in this position."_

"_You're lucky I love you, Buck Cross," Paulina said trying to be angry but she couldn't. She collapsed into his embrace instead. "I am so nervous."_

"_Everything will be fine," Buck said hugging her close._

_The introductions had gone fine. Everyone was on their best behavior. Mostly they were trying to figure out the woman that Buck had lost his heart to._

_Paulina felt comfortable around his family almost immediately. Perhaps that is why everything started to unravel as quickly as it did. Buck should have warned her. There were topics that were off limits to discuss at the supper table. None of them seemed so dangerous, really._

_It all started when Cody was talking about his wife and daughter. Cody had been away for a while so he gave the full report. He told everyone of his wife, Louisa and how they met and fell in love. _

"_I guess her name would be hard to forget since you already knew a Louise," Paulina said trying to make a joke. "The way you describe her, she sounds like she looks a lot like Louise too."_

_She looked around the table at the blank stares and Kid and Jimmy rolled their eyes._

"_Not that it was because of Louise that you fell for her," Paulina back pedaled. "I'm sure she's lovely and wonderful in her own right and I'm going to shut up now."_

"_So how old is the baby now?" Buck asked trying to change the subject and save Paulina._

_Cody gave his head a subtle shake to knock loose his thoughts and then he smiled. "Well you'll remember her name is Arta and she's just a year and a half old. She's just the cutest thing you ever did see."_

_Buck clasped Paulina's hand underneath the table and she instantly relaxed. She perhaps relaxed a little too much. It was during dessert that Buck's family decided to interrogate Paulina. None of the questions were mean or too probing. The one thing that tripped her up never occurred to Buck to warn her about._

"_So what do you do for fun, Paulina," Rachel asked._

"_Well, I like to travel around, trains mostly, I don't care for steamer ships really," Paulina said. "Oh, and I read a lot on my trips. I sometimes pick up those dime novels at the newsstands and shops around."_

"_I'm a keen reader of dime novels myself," Cody said. "Which ones are your favorites?"  
_

"_Well for my money, the ones written by J.D. Marcus are the best," Paulina said._

_Buck's look of comfort turned to absolute panic as Jimmy shifted uncomfortably in his seat, Lou and Kid looked ready to explode. Everyone else frowned and became really interested in their dessert._

"_That man don't write nothin' but trash," Lou growled._

"_Well, I mean they aren't works of great literature by any stretch of the imagination, but they are fun to read," Paulina said defensively, "Especially the one about 'Wild Bill'. That character was so memorable. I've always wondered why he stopped at just one book about him."_

_Paulina looked around the room. Buck watched as she slowly realized she had done just as she feared._

"_Oh God, Buck," Paulina whispered to him near tears. "I did it didn't I. I said something stupid and now everyone hates me."_

"_No one hates you," Buck whispered back. "I should have warned you, I'm so sorry."_

_Paulina quickly looked around the room. "I'm so sorry for whatever it was I said wrong." _

_The room was really quiet and Paulina looked so uncomfortable. "Please take me home," she said quietly._

_Buck stood up and pulled out her chair. Paulina ran from the room before Buck could explain. She stopped on the porch and Buck caught up with her._

"_I'm so sorry, Paulina," Buck said pulling her into a hug. "It didn't occur to me that this would ever come up."_

"_What did I say, Buck?" Paulina asked._

"_J.D. Marcus wrote the 'Wild Bill' story about Jimmy as a sort of revenge," Buck said. "It's almost gotten him killed more times than any of us care to count."_

"_Oh my God," Paulina said mortified. "I've got to go back in there and apologize."_

_Before Buck could stop her, Paulina marched back inside the house. Everyone was still sitting at the table. It didn't look like anyone had continued eating._

"_I just wanted to apologize," Paulina said startling everyone. "I had no idea what you went through, Jimmy. I really didn't. Buck just told me. I am so sorry, all of you."_

_Buck stood behind her in support and he looked around at his family which was starting to soften to his lady._

"_It's ok," Jimmy said and smiled. "Why don't you sit back down and finish enjoying this delicious cake Rachel made."_

_Paulina looked back at Buck and smiled. They both retook their seats at the table._

"_Just how long have you known Buck, Paulina?" Jimmy asked in continuation of the earlier interrogation._

"_Almost three months," Paulina answered shyly._

"_He hid you from us for three months?" Jimmy asked astounded. _

"_Well, he probably didn't want us all to scare you away," Cody said mischievously._

"_Did you know Buck snores?" Jimmy revealed._

"_And don't ever take his medicine pouch," Cody warned. "I learned that the hard way. Although it seems if your belief in the spirits were real, Buck, you would have noticed it was gone."_

"_Come on," Buck said. "She doesn't need to hear all that stuff."_

"_Ha ha ha, nice try, Buck," Lou taunted him and turned to Paulina. "You know, for a while he couldn't help a lady without getting kidnapped or held at gunpoint." _

_Buck hid his face in his hands. _

"_Then there was that time with the goat," Cody reminded them. _

"_This isn't happening," Buck lamented._

"_He can't seem to stay on Tompkins' good side," Kid added._

"_Hey, in all fairness, neither can anyone else," Buck defended._

_Paulina giggled and she took Buck's hand in her own. _

* * *

Buck smiled. He knew right then that if Paulina could accept him embarrassing stories and all, perhaps they were really meant to be together. Buck stood up from the top step and walked down the rest of the stairs. He accepted a hug from Rachel and Lou went into the kitchen to make more coffee.

"How is she doing, Son?" Teaspoon asked for all of Buck's family waiting in his parlor.

"She woke up briefly but she's asleep now," Buck answered. "Lark's sleeping too."

"You want us to get the doc?" Jimmy asked.

"Nah, he said he'd come back in the morning," Buck answered. "He said if she woke up, it was really good. He said, she was probably going to be fine in about a week or so."

Buck looked up at the ceiling. He did not know how to do this. He did not know how to ask his family to stay. There was not a reason for them to stay. The doctor had said she would be fine, but he just wanted them around. He wanted to lean on them, because he was still scared. He just did not know how to ask.

"Well it's late," Kid said looking around the room.

Buck down cast his eyes and nodded sadly.

"So, there's no reason for us to leave until the morning," Kid finished.

Buck looked up relieved.

"We can take turns sitting with her if you like," Rachel offered.

Buck nodded and offered a weak smile. "Thanks. I should get back upstairs and make sure Lark is alright."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Buck heard Lark fussing in the room upstairs. He took the stairs two at a time and walked softly into the room. Lark had toddled over to her mother's bedside and was crying as she clung to Paulina's fingers.

Lark looked up at Buck as he walked into the room. "Want mama," she sobbed as she pointed to Paulina.

Buck picked up the tiny child and she wrapped her little arms around his neck. "I know you do, Little One," he said as he rocked her. "Mama's just sleeping, but she's gonna be as good as new soon. You'll see."

"I'll watch over Paulina, if you want to take care of Lark or catch a nap," Rachel said walking in the room behind him.

Buck nodded. He took the two year old back to her bedroom and laid her gently on her bed. He changed her, dressed her in her night gown, and tucked her into her bed. He was glad he managed to distract the sleepy little girl enough to possibly get her to go to sleep.

"Storwy pwease," Lark insisted.

Buck smiled at her. "Would you like a Sendeh story or the one about White Crow?"

"No, mama storwy," Lark said.

Buck smiled. Lark did seem to like the stories Paulina made up better. Mostly, Buck thought that was because of the way she told them. Paulina really got into the telling of the story. She used large gestures and different voices for all the characters.

"Pwincess Me, pwease," she said smiling.

"Oh, you think I should tell you a Princess Lark story?" Buck teased.

Lark giggled as Buck tickled her.

"I probably won't tell it as well as your mama," Buck said and drifted his gaze toward his bedroom. He got lost in worry as he watched Rachel close the door.

"Storwy papa!" Lark pouted.

Buck looked back at his daughter and could see her brow furrowing. If he did not start the story soon, there would be crying. The poor little girl had been through so much today.

"Ok, ok," Buck said. "Once upon a time there was a little princess named, Lark and she was lost in the woods…"

This was the only one of the countless "Princess Lark" stories he really remembered. This one was Paulina's way of telling Lark about when she was pregnant with the little girl and the day she was born. The story was about the princess finding her family and living happily ever after. Buck had to smile at Paulina's imagination. He and Paulina had been married for almost a year before they finally found out she was pregnant. Paulina really wanted children and though Buck was scared, he wanted to give them to her. They had a lot of fun trying, but there was also a lot of pain. Paulina felt like a failure every month that went by and she looked at Lou with envy. Kid and Lou had nearly three by the time Buck and Paulina got married. Buck assured her he was happy and she was all he would ever need, but she still did not think she would be content without children. He remembered the day Paulina told him she was pregnant like it was yesterday.

* * *

_It was a warm fall day and Buck was just finishing up the building of a corral. Paulina had been working on some apple butter the last few days, she had needed more jars so she went into town. She said she had some other errands to run too. Buck could see the buckboard approaching as Paulina returned._

_Paulina always smiled when she turned the corner onto their property, but today she was positively beaming. Buck grabbed his shirt off the fence and slung it over his shoulder as he went to meet the buckboard._

"_What has you so happy today?" Buck asked as he helped Paulina down from the wagon. _

"_It's happened, Buck!" she shouted. "We're going to be parents! I'm pregnant!"_

_Buck smiled, threw his hat in the air, and whooped. He did not realize how much he had wanted children. He pulled Paulina into a hug and whirled her around. _

"_Did the doctor say when our son would be born?" Buck asked. It would be the first time he taunted her about the sex of the baby._

_Paulina laughed at his assumption. "He said our child, who might well be a daughter, would arrive in the spring, probably sometime in April."_

_Buck then knelt before her and placed a hand on her womb. "Hello, Little One," he whispered._

_Paulina sunk down to her knees and kissed Buck. "I'm so happy," she said. "I love you."_

_Buck moved his hands up to hold her face in his hands. "I love you too, Paulina Cross," he said. "You're gonna make a great mother."_

_Buck really did think so. Before they were married, almost a year ago now, Paulina would sit with Kid and Lou's children from time to time to give Lou the time and space she needed. Their children Peter and Ellie were already calling her "Aunt Paulina" by then. Lou was heavily pregnant with the youngest, Seth, by the time the wedding came around and the doctor put her on bed rest. Paulina stepped in and took charge of the children those last couple of weeks of November, so Kid could work. Paulina looked truly happy caring for children._

_The rest of this fall into winter, the pair began preparing for the arrival of their own child. Buck put the finishing touches on the nursery. It seemed they had been trying so long for a child and not having any luck. Things for a baby did not seem like a priority when they were settling into their new place. It was now. They both made and collected things for the baby, Buck made some furniture for the room and Paulina didn't really sew, but she did most of the decorating. Rachel had taught Paulina how to knit back when Lou was expecting her last baby, so Paulina did try her hand at making booties. Rachel and Lou made much of the baby clothes and diapers. They had almost everything they would need to care for their baby. Now all they had to do was wait._

Buck smiled when he thought back to conversations they had about naming their little Lark. They had a bit of time to kill and had many conversations, but somehow they always took on a playful nature.

"_Buck, how do your people name their children?" Paulina asked. "I mean do they have names that are common. Do they have the Kiowa equivalent to John and Mary?"_

_Buck smiled. "No, not really," he said. "I guess there are common birds and animals that appear in names, but I guess mostly we just let nature inspire us."_

"_I was thinking about picking out baby names before she gets here," Paulina said. "What do you think of the name 'Elizabeth'? Do you think she'll like it?"_

"_You mean 'he'," Buck corrected with a teasing smile. "I don't think our son will like the name 'Elizabeth'."_

_Paulina laughed. "Alright, Buck you suggest a name for the baby."_

"_I've always thought wolves were nice in a name," Buck said. "I'd name 'him' something with a wolf in it."_

"_I don't think our daughter will like the name 'Howling Wolf'."_

The thought made Buck laugh even now. Perhaps 'Howling Wolf' was really a better name for Lark, especially when she was cranky.

"_I'll make you a deal," Buck said confidently. "When our son is born, I'll let you name him."_

"_I agree as long as you agree to name our daughter when she is born," Paulina stipulated._

"_Ok, it's a deal," Buck said almost wearily. He hoped for a boy, he didn't know if he could pick a nice girl's name. _

_The day Lark was born was perhaps the scariest day of Buck's life, next to today. He had just come home from working with Teaspoon and everything was so still around the place. Paulina did not come out to meet him like she usually did. Of course she was very heavy with child at that point in her pregnancy. Rachel was due to stop by that evening so Buck had not been concerned. Rachel was coming by nearly every day for a while now to help Paulina while Buck was away working as a deputy in town. She had to help Lou with something. Buck could not even remember now what it was. Paulina convinced Rachel that she would be fine. Buck made it a point to be home early that day. He had a bad feeling about that day and did not like her to be alone now that she was so close to giving birth. _

_Instead of taking care of his horse, Buck went straight into the house. Paulina was sitting on the bottom step of the stairs. Her water had broken, she was in labor, and had been for a while._

"_Oh, Buck, thank God you're here!" Paulina cried out._

_Buck rushed to her side. "Paulina, how long have you been like this?" he asked panicked._

"_The baby's coming, Buck!" she screamed as a contraction hit her. "I feel like I want to push."_

"_Hold on, Paulina," Buck said. He tried to take a deep breath and think. It had been almost ten years since he had delivered a baby, but he was a little more prepared this time. He was in his home instead of a covered wagon in the middle of nowhere._

_Paulina screamed again. The contractions were very close together. Buck grabbed some cushions off the chairs and tried to make his wife more comfortable. _

"_I just need to look," Buck said in his most calming voice, which was shaky because this was his wife and he was scared. He lifted her night dress. He could see the top of the baby's head. He looked up at his wife's face quick and then looked back down. It was time to push. Buck quickly grabbed some towels from the kitchen. There wasn't time to get the ones they set aside for this moment. _

"_Alright, Paulina," Buck said looking his wife straight in the eye. "When the next contraction hits you're gonna push."_

_Paulina's expression scared him so much. She was scared. She began to nod as she realized that it was time. "I'm scared, Buck," she said. _

"_Everything's going to be fine," Buck reassured her. He smiled and grabbed her hand. "Our baby's almost here."_

_The next contraction hit her as they were holding hands. She squeezed his hand tightly and wouldn't let go._

"_Paulina, let go of my hand," Buck begged almost in a panic. "I need my hand back, sweetheart. I have to use it to catch the baby."_

_Buck was able to transfer her hand to the banister on the stairs just in time to keep the baby's head from hitting the floor. He cleaned the baby's mouth and she began to cry._

"_Is it alright, Buck?" Pauline asked out of breath. "Is it alright?"  
_

"_She looks just fine," Buck said with a gigantic smile on his face. "It's a girl, Paulina! We have a daughter."_

_It was at that moment that Rachel walked through the door to see the new family. She dropped whatever it was that she was carrying and rushed over to help._

"_Buck I think you should carry Paulina upstairs," Rachel said after she had come back from cleaning up the baby. "I'll see to her once she's in bed."_

"_Wait, Buck needs to name the baby," Paulina said grabbing Buck's arm. "It's a girl. That means you get to name her."_

"_We can do it later," Buck said. "I don't have a name in mind."_

"_But you have to," Paulina insisted. "She needs a name."_

_Buck recognized his wife was delirious with the euphoria and exhaustion that comes after just having given birth. She would not be put off. He needed to figure out at least a suggestion for a name. _

"_Ok, hold on," Buck said and walked to the door. He opened it and went outside and stood on the porch. He heard the song of a bird and smiled. He knew that bird. It was a meadowlark. He walked back in the house._

"_If you call her wolf anything, I will kill you," Paulina said seriously just as Buck opened his mouth to make his announcement. Rachel started to laugh as she gathered up some supplies._

"_How about…Lark?" Buck asked, "Lark Elizabeth."_

_Paulina started to cry. "That's beautiful, Buck. I love it."_

* * *

"And they lived happily ever after," Buck concluded. Lark was asleep again. He kissed her on the forehead and made sure the blankets were pulled up to her chin. A lot of happy things had happened in Lark's two short years of life. Buck really hoped for that string of things to continue.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

The sky was starting to lighten in the east and Buck realized it was nearly dawn. He walked into the hallway and closed the door leaving it slightly ajar. If Lark woke up crying again, he wanted to hear her.

Buck crept across the hall and went back into his bedroom. Rachel was still there and she was moping Paulina's brow with a dampened compress. Rachel smiled at him as he walked in.

"She's got a slight fever," she said as Buck sat down on the edge of the bed. "Doctor said we should expect this."

Buck nodded. He was so tired.

"Why don't you lie down?" Rachel asked. "Those blankets Kid and Lou brought in for Lark are still here. I wake you if anything happens."

Buck felt next to useless so he nodded and curled up in the blankets. He was so tired he could not sleep. Being out on a posse for over a week with Teaspoon, Kid, and Jimmy had taken its toll already. Now staying up another night was unthinkable. He was so worried about Paulina that he could not sleep he could merely rest. Lying on the floor was not helping anything. He grabbed a blanket and moved himself to the rocking chair.

"You should really try and sleep," Rachel said.

"I can't Rachel," Buck said. "I just can't. I can rest and pray though. I just can't quiet my mind."

Rachel smiled sympathetically. "I know honey," she said. "She's gonna be fine. You've got to believe that."

"I know," Buck said, "I just have to make sure."

"The doctor will here in a few hours to check on her," Rachel reminded him. "If he was worried he wouldn't have left. Now, get some rest."

Buck must have drifted off at some point. When he woke, the doctor was in the room as was Lou.

"Rachel went to check on Lark," Lou said to him. "I think she was going to lie down after that."

Buck rubbed his eyes and stretched.

"Jimmy's on his way up with coffee," she added.

Buck tossed the blanket off his lap and stood. The doctor walked over. Buck did not like the expression on his face.

"What's wrong, Doc?" he asked concerned.

"I'm not sure, it's probably nothing," Doctor Parsons said. "She doesn't do as well as I'd hoped this morning."

"She woke up last night," Buck said hoping that would make the doctor's outlook more positive.

"I will need to do a full examination," the doctor said, "Can you wait outside, Mr. Cross?"

Buck nodded and reluctantly went outside the room. The doctor asked Lou to stay and assist him. Jimmy had just reached the top of the stairs with a couple mugs of coffee.

"Teaspoon and Kid went home to check on things," Jimmy reported. "Kid'll probably be back later. Rachel's sleeping on the sofa."

Buck took a mug of coffee from Jimmy and took a long draught. He hoped the hot bitter liquid would give him clarity.

"What about Teaspoon?" Buck asked. He felt especially eager for the man he thought of as his father to be around.

"Judge is coming in from Fort Kearny today," Jimmy said. "He's likely to try those bank robbers we brought in yesterday."

"You don't think he'll wait until tomorrow?" Buck asked hopefully.

"Well I guess he might delay it," Jimmy answered, "until the shysters have had a chance to get their stories straight.

"I hope he does," Buck said uncomfortably. "I could really use Teaspoon here today."

Jimmy's looked like he didn't understand. "Is it Paulina?" Jimmy asked. "Is something wrong?"

"The doc said she isn't doing as well as he hoped, whatever that means," Buck recounted. "Jimmy I have never been this scared in my life. What if I lose her?"

"You're not going to lose her," Jimmy reassured him.

The two stood in silence sipping their coffee and watching the bedroom door. Buck felt something and looked to see his daughter attached to him. She had toddled barefooted from her room, dragging a blanket, all the way over to where the two men were standing and wrapped her chubby arms around Buck's leg. Her big brown eyes looked up at him pleading for attention.

"That right there is why I don't have children," Jimmy said with a grin. "I would give them whatever they want after a look like that. Then I'd be broke."

"Up!" Lark insisted.

Buck set his coffee mug down on the hall table and looked down at the girl. Unable to resist, he reached down, picked the little girl up and held her in his arms.

"Lark, how would you like Uncle Jimmy to make you some breakfast?" Buck asked.

"Mama," Lark said and started reaching for the door behind him.

Buck turned at the sound of the door behind him. The doctor stepped out.

"Come here, Lark," Jimmy said taking the small child from Buck. "Uncle Jimmy will make you some yummy, yummy porridge."

Buck could see his little girl was about to have a fit of temper, but he couldn't worry about that right now. If Jimmy couldn't handle her, Rachel was downstairs. Lark would be alright. Right now he needed to listen to what the doctor had to say.

The doctor did not look happy, but his expression wasn't dire either. "Well, doctor?" Buck asked, "How's my wife?"

"She's holding her own," Doctor Parsons said. "Her belly is slightly rigid so I think she may have some internal bleeding."

"What does that mean?" Buck asked alarmed.

"I think during the accident, any number of things could have happened. For example, one of her organs, possibly the liver or spleen may have been injured," the doctor said. "I don't think the damage is bad though. The bleeding will probably stop on its own."

"What if it doesn't?" Buck asked.

"I pray that it does," the doctor said. "If it doesn't, I may need to operate. I won't lie to you, Mr. Cross, that isn't something I want to do. There is a very good chance of infection whenever surgery is involved."

Buck gave Doctor Parsons a nod to let him know he understood.

"Is she in pain?" Buck asked.

"She is in a little bit of pain," Doctor Parsons said. "I gave her a bit of laudanum and she's doing better."

"Can I see her?" Buck asked. "Is she awake?"

"Yes, but in a bit," the doctor said. "There's one more thing I need to tell you."

The doctor did look grave now and Buck was suddenly worried. He could feel the walls start to close in on him.

"What is it?" Buck asked stoically.

"Your wife is pregnant," the doctor announced, "But there was some bleeding there too."

Buck swallowed hard.

"I've stopped it for now," he said, "But given the trauma your wife has been through, I don't know if that will be enough."

"Does she know?" Buck asked.

"She knows she's pregnant," Doctor Parsons said. "She actually alerted me to the possibility of her condition, but doesn't know the rest. I didn't want her to be stressed. She needs to stay calm."

Buck nodded and let the news sink in. As much as he wanted to, he could not let himself get attached to the new baby. The doctor did not seem optimistic about the baby's survival and he needed to concentrate on making sure Paulina was getting better. Once they got Paulina through this crisis, he could deal with the news about the baby, good or ill.

"You can go in and see her now," the doctor said.

Buck walked in the room and saw Paulina slightly propped up in the bed. Her eyes were a bit glassy and she was talking with Lou about babies. Buck smiled as warmly as he could. He did not want to give anything away.

"Buck!" Paulina said sleepily, yet excitedly. "We're gonna have another baby."

"Doc told me," Buck said smiling as big as he could muster. "I'm really excited."

Paulina's face fell and Buck knew he didn't quite sell his excitement. "I'm just worried about you," he said trying to cover.

"I'll leave you two alone to celebrate," Lou said handing Buck a cool compress.

Buck nodded his appreciation. "Jimmy's making Lark some breakfast," he said. "He might need some help."

"He's making porridge for her, isn't he?" Lou asked.

Buck raised his eyebrows and nodded.

"Don't worry," Lou said on her way out. "I'll save her."

Buck knelt next to the bed and ran his hand through Paulina's hair. "Are you feeling better?" he asked.

"I'm still tired," Paulina said. "Doc gave me something for the pain so I guess I'm alright."

Buck leaned in and kissed her.

"Buck, I'm scared," Paulina said.

Buck stopped and looked at her. "Everything's going to be fine," he said encouragingly. "You and the baby are going to be fine."

Buck had only seen that look of fear in her eyes once before.

They had been on a picnic. It was a lovely day in early June. Paulina had been in Rock Creek for almost a month. She still had not told him why she was here. It was a sticking point. Buck really liked her, thought he may love her even, but he felt like she did not trust him. For that reason, he was having a hard time trusting her in return. The day before someone in town had spooked her. She was evasive at the time about it, but he wanted the truth.

* * *

_The picnic lunch was eaten and Buck laid back and looked at Paulina. She was quiet and it seemed like every noise spooked her, not only here today but he saw how skittish she was in town too. Buck was about to ask her what was going on when she spoke._

"_Buck, I'm leaving," she said. "I have to go."_

_Buck sat up quickly. "Why?" he asked. "Has something happened?"_

"_No, no," she said quickly. "I just think it's better if I left. Besides, I can't hide in Jarvis's kitchen forever."_

"_I don't understand," Buck said. He was starting to let his anger and temper take over. He only knew what she wanted him to know and that was not very much. Now after he had grown quite fond of her, she decided that it was time to leave. Well, he was not going to let her leave. Not without some answers._

"_There's nothing to understand," Paulina said. "I don't stay anywhere for very long…"_

"_And just why is that?" Buck interrupted. "You said on the train that someone was after you. Just who are you running from and why won't you tell me what's going on? Did you steal something?"  
_

_Paulina let out a deep breath. "I'm not involved in anything illegal," she said. "I'm the victim here. I don't want to involve you, Buck. It's just better if I leave."_

"_Why would that be better?" Buck asked exasperated. "We've been spending part of almost every day together for the last month and now you want to leave?"_

"_I've stayed here too long," Paulina said. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."_

"_Why don't you just tell me what's wrong," Buck argued. "Maybe I can help."_

"_You can't," Paulina said, "and I couldn't ask you to try."_

"_You're not asking," Buck said, "I'm offering._

_Paulina looked into his eyes and Buck could see the internal debate swirl around her beautiful light brown ones. He saw her weigh each argument and he also saw the fear. It was the fear he wanted to know about. He also saw the guilt and wondered what that was all about. He waited until she decided to talk._

"_That's sweet, Buck, it really is," Paulina said sadly._

"_But…," Buck filled in._

"_The thing is that, I've lied to you," Paulina said. "I've lied so much. I followed you here because I was hoping you would protect me. Only, I didn't plan on staying this long. I can't do this anymore. It isn't fair."_

_Buck didn't understand. _

"_Someone is after me," Paulina said. "I still don't really want to get into why, but I keep myself always on the move. I usually only stay a week or two at the most."_

"_And on a whim, you followed me here to hide," Buck said slightly annoyed. "I already know this part of the story."_

"_Yes, I know you do," Paulina said. "I didn't mean for it to happen, but I care about you and now I don't want to see you hurt. So I have to leave."_

"_So let me get this straight," Buck said angrily. "I care about you and you care about me, but since someone is chasing you, you have to leave, even though I already knew someone was chasing you? Does that sum it all up?"_

"_Well when you put it like that, it sounds silly," Paulina said._

"_That's because it is silly," Buck said. "I'm not letting you leave without a better explanation than that."_

"_I don't know if I'm ready to tell you everything," Paulina said. _

"_Just start talking to me," Buck said. Buck took her in his arms as they sat on their picnic blanket and Paulina took another deep breath and let it out. "Tell me from the beginning."_

"_I left home about a year ago," she said. "I was in danger. I took what money and jewelry I could and I left."_

_Paulina gave Buck a look that told him she wasn't ready to explain the danger she was in, so he thought maybe there was other information she would share._

"_Do you have a family?" Buck asked. _

"_Parents, no," Paulina said. "They're dead and I was afraid I would be too if I stayed. I have an aunt in Chicago."_

"_You were on your way to see her weren't you," Buck guessed. He remembered that the train she missed was the one to Chicago._

"_Yes, but it would have been very foolish of me," Paulina said. "That's probably the first place they looked. I was out of money though and I knew she would help me."_

"_But you came here instead," Buck prompted her._

"_Yes, I came here instead," she said. "I thought maybe I could get a job and maybe hide out for a while. I've never been in such a small town and I've never asked a man to help me. I thought maybe those things would buy me some time. I'm so tired of running."_

"_Then why don't you stop?" Buck asked._

"_I can't," Paulina said. Her face was full of fear. "I'm not ready to die."_

"_Don't you trust me enough to let me protect you?" Buck said. "It's what you wanted from the beginning."_

"_Yes, that's before I knew you," Paulina said. "I don't want them to hurt you or, God forbid, kill you to get to me. I couldn't bear it. I…"_

_There was a longing in her eyes to match the hitch in her voice. Buck wanted to hear her complete that sentence. _

"_You what?" Buck asked. He could see her struggling with the words, the words he wanted to hear her say. They were the same words he wanted to say to her. They weren't rational especially since she still wouldn't tell him what was going on, but he still felt them._

"_I love you," Paulina said softly._

"_I love you too."_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Paulina had dozed off for a little while and Buck was glad. Rest would make her better. It was starting to look about midday when she started to wake.

"Do you want some water?" Buck asked Paulina as she tried to get comfortable in the bed.

"Yes, I would," she answered wincing a little.

Buck held a glass up to her lips and she took a short sip. He watched he wrinkle her face in pain and he became concerned.

"I'm going to get the doctor," Buck said. He got up and opened the door. The doctor was on the other side rearranging his bag.

Doctor Parsons looked up when Buck cleared his throat a little.

"Doc, I think you need to come in here," Buck urged.

The doctor dropped the rest of the items into his bag and came inside the room quickly. By that time Paulina was really uncomfortable. A sheen of sweat started to form on her brow and Buck quickly grabbed a compress from the basin next to the bed. Buck sat on the edge of the bed opposite from the side Doctor Parsons was on.

"Paulina, I need you to relax," Dr. Parsons said looking at Paulina and then to Buck. "Talk to her about something calming."

Buck turned to his wife and lifted her chin toward him. "Paulina, honey, look at me," he said as soothingly as he could. "Everything is going to be alright. You just need to stay calm."

"Buck, what's happening," Paulina asked as she started to cry. "Please, tell me it's not bad."

Buck looked up at the doctor, who frowned slightly.

"I don't know anything for sure yet, Mrs. Cross," Dr. Parsons said. "You need to stay calm and relax as best you can."

"Paulina," Buck said softly. "Paulina, look at me."

"I don't want to lose our baby, Buck," Paulina cried. "I can't."

"That's why you have to relax and stay calm, Mrs. Cross," the doctor said.

Buck took Paulina's hands in his and kissed her knuckles. "Do you know what the happiest day of my life was?" he asked.

Paulina shook her head not daring to guess. She was too distracted by the doctor's examination.

"The day I married you was the happiest day of my life," Buck answered. "Do you remember?"

Paulina looked at Buck and nodded. "It was the happiest day of my life too," she said. "Buck I'm so scared."

"Shhhh," Buck said. "Just think about our wedding day."

"Rachel made my dress," Paulina recalled. "I was never that handy with a needle and thread."

Buck smiled warmly and looked over at a basket of mending in the corner of the room. It had only grown larger in the last few months. Paulina would probably be asking for Rachel's help any day now.

"The day was warm and had a slight breeze," Paulina remembered. "I really wanted to have an October wedding outside. I remember you thought I was crazy."

Buck laughed softly. "It had been so cold the whole week before," he said. "I thought everyone would be more comfortable inside."

"I just really wanted to do something for you," Paulina said. "I wanted to marry you out where walls couldn't confine us. I was hoping the leaves would fall from the trees during the ceremony, but that part didn't work out so well."

"No, the wind the week before took care of that," Buck said.

Paulina nestled her head into the crook of Buck's shoulder. "I want to remember," she said.

"Me too."

* * *

_Buck stood outside at a makeshift chapel he had built himself out of stones and willow branches. He was not comfortable in a church and Paulina seemed to want to be married outdoors. In most ways the structure symbolized the two worlds that surrounded them. _

_There was one person in the world Buck wanted at his wedding and it was not possible for him to be there, so he did the next best thing and brought the wedding as close to that person as he could. This was the meadow where he had released Ike's spirit. Now it would be the place where Buck promised his life to Paulina._

_For October, it was a warm and pleasant day. Though most of the trees were bare, there were still colorful leaves clinging to some branches. It was seven years to the day that the Pony Express officially had ended. All of Buck's family was there. Lou almost missed the ceremony because she was heavily pregnant at the time. Truthfully she shouldn't have been there at all; she was on bed rest still. Cody had even come to the wedding and brought his family. Louisa made a great impression on the family and Rachel absolutely gushed over Arta. She was just as cute as Cody said she was. There were more than a few, "you're next" jokes aimed at Jimmy. He was the only bachelor besides Teaspoon left among them. They all knew better than to tease Teaspoon about Rachel._

_Buck was wearing white buckskin pants and a tunic that day. Paulina really wanted him to wear what he wanted to wear. He told her about the wedding garments of his people and she thought it would be wonderful to honor his heritage. He had hunted the deer, tanned the hides and done some simple decorative beading himself. He only hoped that he had done his tribe proud. He hadn't shown his outfit to anyone and his family had all been surprised when he stepped out wearing it. He just hoped that Paulina found it pleasing. It was really the last thing on his mind though. He was nervous and hoped that Paulina hadn't gotten cold feet and ran away, again. _

_Buck was about to panic and runaway himself when it was just about time. Kid and Jimmy had to talk him out of his panic and remind him how much he loved Paulina. He was just about to bolt when she appeared from behind a tree with Lou and Rachel. All thoughts of flight left his mind and he stood at the front of the chapel slack jawed. _

_Paulina's dress was simple but on her it seemed sophisticated. Her beauty left Buck speechless. He could see straight to her soul through her soft brown eyes and her sandy brown hair reminded him of late summer wildflower honey. She looked radiant. Buck wasn't sure if it was the sunshine or just happiness that gave her skin a warm glow. His features softened the closer she came to him. His look of shock had slowly transformed into a joyful smile. _

_Paulina and Buck had tried to write their own ceremony. They wanted to include traditions from Buck's heritage and things that Paulina wanted too. They wanted to write their own vows. In the end Teaspoon performed the same ceremony he had done for Kid and Lou on their wedding day. Buck never liked the word 'obey' in the wedding vows only referring to the wife and he was sure Paulina would was going to ignore it when it came time to repeat that part anyway. She was a woman who didn't like conforming, but she said it anyway. He knew that she was a little different as soon as he met her nearly six months earlier, but he thought he had learned her enough that she wouldn't surprise him anymore. She normally went about her life on her own terms and she did not really care what anyone else thought of it. Buck had never met anyone like her and he was sure he wouldn't again. She was one of a kind._

"_Uh Buck," Teaspoon said getting his attention, "You may kiss the bride."_

_Buck was never happier to do just that. He looked onto Paulina's smiling face and kissed slowly and tenderly. He kissed her until he heard the uncomfortable vocalizations and giggles of his friends and family. Then he kissed her again. _

* * *

Paulina doubled over in pain and let out a small cry. Buck looked up at the doctor, who shook his head. Buck gathered Paulina in his arms as she began to realize what the doctor had told Buck with a look. She was losing the baby and there wasn't anything to be done to stop it.

"No, no, no," Paulina repeated. "Please, God, no."

Buck pulled Paulina closer and held her while her body was wracked with sobs.

"I'm so sorry, Buck," Paulina cried. "I wanted to give you a son."

"We have lots of time for babies, but you and Lark are all I need," Buck said trying to comfort her.

The doctor stood and left the room indicating that he would be right outside. Buck figured he wanted to give the couple a few minutes to deal with their grief. Buck rocked Paulina gently back and forth as she gradually began to quiet. The cramping still came in waves, but the intensity was beginning to lessen.

"It took so long the first time and I was afraid we wouldn't have another," Paulina said into Buck's chest. "I was so happy when I found out."

"We'll keep trying and we can have lots and lots of babies," Buck said. "As many as you want."

"Promise?" Paulina asked looking up at him.

Her face was very pale and Buck tried not to show his concern. It was normal, he thought, considering what was happening. "I promise," he said.

Paulina's eyes started to droop closed and Buck could see she was starting to fall asleep. He thought that was probably best. The doctor came back in with Rachel and Buck looked up.

"Mr. Cross, could you wait outside for a few minutes?" Dr. Parsons asked.

Buck stood up from the bed and Rachel hugged him. "I'm so sorry, Buck," she said.

Buck did what he was asked and stepped outside. He thought back to his last words with Paulina before the doctor came in. The promise to have as many children as she wanted was far from the first promise he had made to Paulina. He had made all sorts of promises through the few years they had known each other. He could not help recalling the first time. Buck looked up at the door as the doctor came out to the hallway to speak to Buck. He said Paulina was drifting off to sleep and the doctor seemed pretty relieved about that. The doctor said he'd be out again in a few minutes when he was done treating Paulina. Buck let his thoughts drift back to the day of a picnic. It was the day they first told each other they loved one another. That day held another first for him. It was the day he had first made a promise to Paulina.

* * *

"_There's a man after me," Paulina said. "At first I wasn't sure if he was following me and then I saw him in a town in Ohio. That's quite a ways from Pennsylvania."_

"_Why is he after you?" Buck asked._

"_He wants to marry me, I think," Paulina said nervously. "He arranged it with my parents, but I don't want to marry him." _

_Buck looked at her skeptically. They were quite a ways from Pennsylvania now too. There was more. There had to be. After a year, this man would have given up if it was just about marrying her._

"_What does he get if he marries you?" Buck asked astutely._

_Paulina looked startled as if just revealing that part of her story would be enough for him. It was not. It only brought up more questions. She shifted and Buck could see her thinking about how much more she should reveal. _

"_You've known me for a month," Buck said. "You say you love me and yet you still don't want to trust me?"_

_Paulina looked back at Buck with a look of desperation. She had been keeping her secret so long, Buck was sure she was not sure it was wise to let it out._

"_Please," Buck said. "Let me help you."_

_Paulina swallowed and took a deep breath. When she let the breath out, it took the pretense and the cheery façade with it. Her expression was suddenly world weary and tired._

"_Money," Paulina finally said. "He would get a lot of money."_

_Buck looked confused. Paulina didn't seem to have any money. She was barely making her rent at the boarding house._

_Buck scooped her up and held her against his chest. He wanted her to continue, but the only thing he could do was hope that she would. He did not know why but it suddenly felt cruel to push._

"_They were humble people," Paulina said. "My father owned a modest foundry. He mostly made farm equipment. When the war looked likely, some business men from Philadelphia came to enlist his help making artillery. My father didn't have the means to expand as quickly as needed so he took out a loan from the bank and was able to pay if off right away as fighting started. By the end of the war, my family had more money than it knew what to do with. The foundry shifted into making materials for the reconstruction. Their fortune was only growing. I could have gone away to school."_

"_How did this man get involved?" Buck asked._

"_He worked with the bank," Paulina answered. "My father wanted to make sure I was taken care of so he enlisted help from the bank to create a trust for me. I would gain access to some of the money when I turned twenty five, all of it if I married. This man impressed my father so much that he made him the executor of my trust. He would look after the money on my behalf until I had met the conditions of the moneys release. He would be my guardian if anything happened to my parents. My father even went so far as to suggest I marry the man. He just wanted to make sure I would be taken care of. Then the man changed a bit and started being more insistent about me. I told my father I did not like the banker and after a while he supported me."_

"_He sounds like this banker knew the end of his employment was near," Buck observed._

"_My parents were much older than most when I finally came along," Paulina said. "I don't think my mother ever fully recovered from giving birth to me. She was pretty frail my whole life. She always called me her miracle. She so wanted to see me get married. I think it pained both of them that I didn't. I wanted to marry for love, but I had never met the right person. I was busy taking care of my mother. She needed me."_

"_It sounds like your parents would have protected you from this man, if that's what you wanted," Buck observed. "Is there more?"_

"_He killed them," Paulina said softly. "He killed them and I saw it."_

_Paulina started to cry in earnest and Buck just held her until the grief had run its course. She then relaxed as if the weight of the world was beginning to leave. Buck could feel the tension begin to vacate her body. _

"_I was about to turn twenty five when that man took my family from me," Paulina remembered. "He threatened me. He said he had enough sway in the town to make the people believe I was the one who murdered my parents, or I was crazy. He would say anything, for the money of course. He would of course do nothing of the sort if I married him. I ran. I couldn't do anything other than that. He's been after me ever since."_

"_It must be a very large sum of money," Buck said, "For him to chase you for a year."_

"_I guess it must be," Paulina said. "I really don't know. Papa had a very nice big house built for us and we could've had servants if we wanted them. It just wasn't anything we were used to. We had a nice woman who would cook for us on Sunday evenings."_

_Paulina looked up at Buck with tears in her eyes. "If I had the choice between the money and my parents, I'd take my parents any day," she said. "I miss them so much."_

_Buck held her and let her cry some more. It may have been the first time she let herself breakdown and grieve. _

"_Buck, I have to go," Paulina said. "I can't let him hurt you. I can't let him take away another person I love."_

"_He won't," Buck said. "I will protect you from this man, I promise. Please, don't go."_

* * *

The door to the bedroom opened and Dr. Parsons rushed out. The man's face looked grave and Buck immediately felt sick.

"She's started to cough up blood," Dr. Parsons said. "I may need to operate and soon, but I need your permission."

"You said she could die if you operate," Buck said alarmed.

"She very well could, but I think there might be a better chance that she'll die if I don't," the doctor said. "I'll know for sure after I examine her a little closer, but I want your permission to operate if it comes to that."

All Buck could do was nod as his voice had abandoned him. He leaned against the wall and let his body slide down to the floor. Buck's knees were drawn up to his chest and he covered his face with his hands. He felt the fear grip his heart. He did not know what he would do if he lost her.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, that was sad for me to write. :'(**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Buck settled down on the floor to say a prayer to the Great Spirit to welcome his unborn child to the land behind the sun. He didn't know how to grieve for the life of this child. He barely knew it existed before its spark faded. The pain was just entering into his consciousness. Saying a prayer was the only useful thing he could do right now. Worry filled every cell in his body and he needed to channel it into something constructive. Paulina was in no condition to mourn their loss, so he would do it for both of them. Buck softly chanted prayers until he could no longer keep the worry from invading his thoughts.

Buck looked up and over at the door. This was so difficult. He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He concentrated on praying for the life of his wife. Paulina needed his support right now too. The floor was hard and Buck was tired. He had no idea how long he had been sitting on the floor outside his bedroom. He heard footsteps on the stairs and felt someone sit next to him. He did not want to talk right now he did not want to do anything right now, but hope for Paulina's recovery. He felt helpless. Buck promised Paulina he would protect her and he had not done it. She was lying in their bed probably bleeding to death and there wasn't anything he could do. He had to rely on the skill of Doctor Parsons.

"I know what it's like to be sitting in the hall while your wife is fighting for her life," Kid said quietly. "It's going to be alright, Buck. Doctor Parsons is a good doctor."

Buck looked up. He did not bother wiping the tears from his face. Kiowa warriors were not afraid to cry.

"When Lou was in labor with Seth, I thought we might lose them both," Kid recalled. "She came through it alright because of Doc Parsons."

Buck remembered that cold day in November. He and Paulina had been married almost a month by then. He and Paulina took Peter and Ellie so Kid, Theresa, and Jeremiah could be around Lou. It was tense. Kid was so sure he was going to lose both Lou and Seth. The doctor did not see hope for either one unless he operated. It was a risky surgery and Kid had told him the name of it, but Buck couldn't recall it just then.

"Oh it took a while before Lou was on her feet again, but I thank God everyday for that man," Kid said.

Doctor Parsons was from New York City, Buck remembered. He said he had studied at some of the finest schools. Buck often wondered why he came to Rock Creek of all places. Whatever the reason, Buck was glad he was here now. The doctor had saved Lou and he could save Paulina too.

"How's Lark?" Buck managed to whisper.

"She's fine," Kid answered with a kind smile. "She's talking up a storm with Jimmy and Lou. Neither one of them has any idea what she's saying, but she's chattering away. I think they're making lunch for everyone."

"Is Teaspoon back?" Buck asked softly. He really needed a father right now. It was one thing to have his brothers and sister around him, but he really wanted his father. Teaspoon had been through everything he was going through now, before. Buck really wanted him to look at his situation, tell him that it was not that bad and that he had been through worse. He needed to believe that everything would be fine and he would only believe it if Teaspoon was the one to tell him.

"Not yet," Kid said. "He'll be here later. I stopped by the jail on my back from checking on Theresa and the kids. The judge wired. He will be in by the end of the week possibly later to see to those bank robbers."

Buck nodded. He did not care about the robbers anymore. He just wanted his family here. He wanted Teaspoon here.

"Papa sammich" Lark announced as Jimmy cleared the top step with Lark and some sandwiches in tow. Jimmy first handed the plate of sandwiches to Kid, then handed Lark to Buck and sat himself down on the other side of Buck.

Lark smiled and pointed to the plate of sandwiches. "Mama sammich?" she asked.

"Maybe later, Little One," Buck said.

"Lou's cleaning up the kitchen," Jimmy said. "I never knew such a little person could make such a big mess."

"You weren't here for Lark's first birthday or you would have remembered," Kid said with a laugh as he handed some sandwiches out.

Buck grinned as he looked at his daughter. He gave her a bite of sandwich and then took one himself. She dropped little bits of it on her bib. Buck was grateful she was wearing that at least. For her first birthday, it really didn't matter if she had been wearing it or not. Buck was not sure why they bothered to clothe Lark that day. It would have been easier to clean her up if they had just dressed her in a diaper.

Buck smiled as he remembered Paulina had been up all night cleaning the house for the party. She cleaned it from top to bottom. It was not something she did often maybe once a year. She kept up with the kitchen and bedrooms but dusting wasn't something she always was on top of especially since Lark arrived. Most of her time now was taken up by their little girl. Buck still worked with Teaspoon as a deputy on a part time basis, but most of his energy went into their farm. He probably tracked in most of the dirt Paulina spent the night cleaning.

Paulina didn't do much sewing, but Lou had made Lark a lovely dress for her first birthday party. Buck remembered how touched Paulina had been. Rachel baked a cake. Actually two cakes. She made one small one that was just for Lark, and one for everyone else. Rachel said it was a tradition in her family that when you turned one, you got your very own cake. The moment they set that cake in front of Lark, frosting and cake started to cover the child. By the time the cake part of the party was done, Buck, Paulina, and Lark were covered in chocolate along with most of the dining room.

Buck wiped Lark's face with her bib. The sandwiches Jimmy had brought upstairs were eaten and Lou had joined them in their hallway picnic and brought them some apple cider. Buck was helping Lark drink a bit from his glass. Lark let out a small burp and he wiped the excess juice off her chin. Buck noticed when he looked up that Kid and Lou were snuggled against one another looking at him with warm smiles. He looked over at Jimmy to see a look of almost jealousy, but really a longing for what Buck had. Jimmy was the only rider that hadn't found a wife and started a family. Buck could see in his eyes that he wanted that.

"Want mama," Lark said and then yawned.

"I know you do, Sweetheart," Buck said. "Maybe you can see her after you've had a nap."

"You want me to take her?" Lou asked.

"I've got her," Buck answered as he stood up.

"No nap!" Lark fussed. "Want mama now!"

Lark started to cry and Buck knew this nap was a little overdue. Buck let Lark cry into his shoulder and he carried the little girl to her room.

"Mama's taking a nap," Buck assured her. "She needs her rest, just like you. After your nap, she'll be up too and then you can see her."

Lark quieted enough for Buck to set her on her bed and take off her shoes.

Lark looked up at him with her big brown eyes and downward curled bottom lip. "Pwomise?" she asked.

"Yes, Little One," Buck said, "I promise."

Buck pulled back the covers and Lark crawled under them and laid her head on her pillow. She looked up at him.

"Sing to me, pwease?" Lark said as she yawned again.

Buck cleared his throat and sang his favorite Kiowa lullaby as Lark drifted off to sleep. Buck watched her for a few minutes to make sure she would stay asleep. Lou was waiting for him in the hallway when he emerged from Lark's room.

"You look like you could use a nap yourself," Lou observed.

"Where did Jimmy and Kid go?" Buck asked rubbing the inside corners of his eyes.

"Out to the barn to do some chores," Lou answered. "Now, how about you rest a little?"

"I can't, Lou," Buck responded, "Not with the doctor and Rachel still in there with Paulina. I need to know what's going on and I won't rest until I know she's going to be alright."

"I'll put another pot of coffee on," Lou said. She gave Buck a supportive hug before heading down the stairs.

Buck sighed and looked over at the door. It had been at least an hour since he had seen the doctor and he was getting nervous again. Did Paulina need surgery or did she not? Had the doctor made a decision about that yet? He wished the doctor would come out and tell him one way or another. It was distressing not to know.

Lou returned with coffee and Buck could not keep track of the time. The doctor had been in with Paulina for an awfully long time. Lou and Buck stood in silence sipping at the bitter brew waiting for the door to open. Buck started to pace.

When the door did open, Buck almost jumped. The doctor looked a little more optimistic than the last time he saw him.

"How's my wife?" Buck asked.

"She's doing better," Doctor Parsons said. "I'm not sure how, but she's awake and alert. I didn't have to operate."

Buck smiled and let out a sigh of relief. He had been so worried that he hadn't realized just how tense he was. He shook the doctor's hand in gratitude.

"Can I see her?" Buck asked. "Can Lark?"

"She's asking for you both," Doctor Parsons answered.

Buck looked to Lark's room and decided he would let his daughter sleep just a little longer. The little girl was always better after waking up on her own. He ran his fingers through his hair to remove the tangles he had put there through worry. He wanted to look presentable to his wife.

When he walked in Rachel was fluffing some pillows behind Paulina so she could sit up.

"I'll leave you two alone," Rachel said. She walked up to Buck and gave him a hug and whispered into his ear, "It's a miracle."

Buck rushed to the bed and sat down.

"Oh, Buck," Paulina said, "The doctor thinks I'm going to make a full recovery. He said in about a month we can start trying to have another baby."

Buck couldn't put his happiness into words. He put a hand behind her head and kissed her full on the lips.

"I thought I was going to lose you," Buck said. "I don't want you to ever do this to me again."

"I'm not going anywhere, Buck," Paulina said with a smile. "You should know that by now. How many times have I almost run away?"

"If we count this one, it makes three," Buck said.

"I don't think this one counts," Paulina laughed.

"Alright, two," he corrected.

"Twice," she repeated. "You convinced me to stay both times. You've convinced me of lots of things, like; love is worth staying and fighting for."

"Yes it is," Buck said marveling at the energy Paulina had. She had been sleeping for a bit, but he thought with the accident and the miscarriage, she should still be quite tired.

"Where's Lark?" Paulina said brightly. "I want to see my baby girl."

"She's napping," Buck said. "I promised her she could see you if she took a nap."

"Oh I wish my parents had lived long enough to see her," Paulina lamented. "She's going to be a great woman someday, I can feel it. She has that look in her eyes. Do you see it?"

Buck was not sure what she was referring to, but he had hopes for Lark as she grew up. Mostly he hoped she would be happy.

"You look worried, Buck," Paulina observed. "You shouldn't be. Life is too short for worry."

Buck smiled cautiously. He wanted to believe that Paulina was miraculously better, but if it was possible, her bright and sunny disposition made him worry more.

"I keep thinking back to first meeting you," Paulina said. "I must have just sensed something about you to trust you like I did. It really is amazing what we pick up about people without even realizing it."

Buck nodded. He was being silly. Paulina was fine now and in a few days she would be up and around and back to her old self. There was no reason to doubt it.

"I really want to see Lark," Paulina said. "How long has she been napping?"

"It's probably time to wake her up," Buck answered. He walked to the hallway and saw Lark was up and in Lou's arms.

"She just woke up and wanted to see her ma," Lou said as she handed the little girl over to Buck.

"Hey, Little One, guess who's up?" Buck asked. He was rewarded with his daughter's face turning from grumpy to excited.

"Mama!" Lark cried. Buck set the little girl down and she toddled to the bed. He followed her in and picked her up and set her on the bed next to her mother.

"Lark, sweetheart, how are you?" Paulina asked.

Lark started to mumble and chatter like she usually did when she had a lot to say. Paulina looked down at her and responded as if she understood every word. Paulina looked up at Buck with a smile. He loved it when she looked at him with that particular smile. It reminded him of the first time he kissed her.

* * *

_They had been on the overland stage for weeks and Buck was really glad when they arrived in Rock Creek. He had not wired ahead like he promised Rachel. He did not want to answer questions about Paulina. He didn't even know what he and Paulina really were yet. She was running and he wanted to protect her and court her. He knew he was already falling for her, but Buck was not ready to share her with his family. Not yet._

_Rachel and Teaspoon would ask all sorts of questions he wasn't prepared to answer. They would chastise him in one sentence for giving up on love with Jenny Tompkins and question his judgment about Paulina. It was a bit dizzying trying to keep up with the two of them some times._

_During the journey on the stage Buck offered to help Paulina get settled. She would need a place to stay and a place to work. Buck thought Miss Beulah's boarding house would work out for a place to live. As for work, Paulina liked to cook, so Buck thought it might be worth checking with Jarvis to see if he needed some kitchen help. He did and Paulina was content to hide in the kitchen. She could see the people who came into town and she wouldn't be seen in the process._

_After Buck carried her still broken luggage inside her room, he hesitated in leaving. The two of them had not been apart for a couple of weeks now and leaving her side seemed somehow wrong, wrong without some sort of affectionate parting. He supposed he could give her a hug or a handshake, but those seemed unsuitable._

"_What are you thinking?" Paulina asked as she exited the closet. _

_The smile on her face nearly stopped his heart. Buck felt his mouth dry out as he tried to form a coherent thought. He was used to her and did not want their contact to suddenly stop._

_Buck walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "I should go and let you settle in," he said. He stood there and did not move. He did not think he could. Paulina looked back at him and smiled. She took a step closer to him._

"_I've become so used to having you around," Paulina said. "I don't want you to leave without knowing I'm going to see you again."_

"_You're not sick of me yet?" Buck asked with his trademark loopy grin._

_That's when she did it. Paulina's smile lit her whole face up and he knew he would be welcome to call. He still wanted to ask._

"_Paulina, I want to call on you," Buck said. "May I have the pleasure of courting you?"_

"_You may, Buck," she answered and bit her bottom lip almost as if hesitant. _

_She looked so beautiful and Buck couldn't help himself. He took a step toward her and moved his hand up to her face. His thumb caressed her jaw bone as she tilted her face upward and closed her eyes. Buck slowly descended on her lips into their first kiss. He'd kissed a woman before, but this felt so much different. He almost felt like he was coming home._

* * *

Buck looked back at Paulina as she snuggled with Lark. Coming home, that was how all her kisses felt to him.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I feel compelled to attach a hanky warning to this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

Buck could feel his eyelids start to droop. He was relaxed now that Paulina was doing better and his lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him. The door opened and Lou came in with a bowl of broth.

"Doctor Parsons had to go," Lou said to Paulina as she set the tray down. "Millie Harper went into labor. He said you could try some broth if you were feeling up to it."

"Did he say if he was coming back?" Buck asked as his eyes flashed open.

"I would guess it would be morning at the earliest," Lou said. "I just started getting some supper on."

Buck picked up Lark from the bed so Lou could help Paulina take some broth. Father and daughter sat in the rocking chair next to the bed.

"See that, Lou?" Paulina said indicating her family in the chair. "That's one of my favorite things to see."

"I know what you mean," Lou said. "Nothing warms my heart more than when Kid reads to Ellie and the boys. Ellie and Peter sit at his feet and Seth is on his lap helping his daddy turn the pages."

Paulina smiled. "She's her daddy's girl," she said as Buck entertained Lark with a bronco ride on his knee. "She keeps asking for her own pony."

"Probably because Kid and me gave one to Ellie for her sixth birthday," Lou said. "Peter got one when he turned six too."

"Buck takes her on rides all the time," Paulina said.

"Kid and I take took the kids too when they were that age," Lou said. "Kid and I still take Seth."

"Children are so resilient," Paulina said almost awestruck. "I still can't believe she escaped that accident with almost nary a scratch."

Lark was laughing in his lap and Buck was feeling almost content. He looked over at Paulina and his smile started to fade. The blood was draining from her face and she started to slump against the headboard of the bed.

"Paulina?" Lou said putting the bowl of broth to the side.

Buck handed Lark off to Lou and rushed to his wife's side.

"Buck, I don't feel so well," Paulina said dazed.

"I'll get Rachel and send one of the boys for the doctor," Lou said as she left the room with Lark.

"Just hold on," Buck said anxiously. "You're probably just tired."

"I don't think it's that," Paulina said slowly as her eyes began to lose focus. "Oh God, Buck, I feel so strange."

Buck took her hands in his and kissed her forehead. "You're going to be alright, you hear me?" he said.

"I want my baby, where's Lark?" Paulina asked.

"Lou took her out of the room," Buck answered. "I didn't want her to get scared."

"I need to see her," Paulina begged. "Please, I don't think…"

"Shhh, let's talk about something happy," Buck suggested. "You need to stay with me, alright? Remember when I asked you to marry me? You were going to leave again and you even made it all the way to the train station in Omaha."

"I remember," Paulina said drowsily. "You came after me."

* * *

_Buck had just come back from a prisoner transfer to Fort Kearny. He stopped by Miss Beulah's boarding house and found out that Paulina had left just after he did. Paulina had at least a week's lead on him. Buck had asked around the town frantically after her to anyone she had usual contact with. Jarvis thought she was heading to see her aunt or something. It would be quicker to get to Chicago if she went to Omaha than all the way down to Kansas City. Buck saddled a fresh horse and left right away._

_Buck finally caught up with Paulina at the train station in Omaha. She had just turned around from the ticket counter when he saw her. She stopped in her tracks when she saw him._

"_Paulina, wait!" Buck called from across the station._

_Paulina turned around and Buck ran up to her. "Buck you shouldn't have come."_

"_Why are you leaving?" Buck asked. "I thought we worked this out."_

"_You worked it out," Paulina answered. "I don't want to cause you pain."_

"_You think you're leaving doesn't hurt me?" Buck asked._

"_You'll forget about me in time," Paulina reasoned. "We've only known each other for what five months?  
_

"_I love you," Buck said. "I won't forget you. Stay with me. Marry me."_

"_What?"_

"_I said marry me."_

_Buck took her hand and got down on one knee in the middle of the train station._

"_Paulina Elizabeth Talbot, will you marry me?" Buck asked. _

_Buck watched as Paulina looked around the station. The hustle and bustle of people did not stop and no one seemed to notice their moment. Perhaps seeing how little people cared about their being together and noticing them would help. Paulina was always thinking people were watching her or searching for her. Perhaps seeing that people were not doing anything of the sort would help her to say 'yes.'_

_Paulina knelt down to Buck's level on the station platform and looked him in the eyes. "You want to marry me after everything you know about me?" she asked. "All the trouble I could bring your way?"_

"_Yes, I do," Buck answered plainly. "I love you."_

_A solemn tear rolled down Paulina's cheek. "I love you too."_

_Buck took his free hand and took something out of his medicine pouch. He held out a dainty silver ring with a beautiful scroll pattern laid into it and a small dark yellow sparkly stone set in the middle. Paulina really liked the color yellow._

_Paulina hesitated. He could see the struggle in the features of her face. It was a familiar struggle between what she wanted and what she thought she could have. Buck had seen this struggle so many times as of late. He was the cause and he knew it. He did not feel sorry about that. Paulina deserved happiness and stability. It was time for her to stop running. It was time for her to make a stand. Buck really hoped he had not blown everything by challenging her to make that choice now, in the middle of a train station._

"_You never have to run again," Buck coaxed. "Come back home with me and be my wife."_

_Paulina smiled and a serene look overtook her expression. "Yes," she said and then covered her mouth with her hand. "I can't believe I just said that, but I mean it. Yes!"_

_Buck smiled and slipped the ring on his fiancés finger. She looked at it as it rested on her hand and then looked into Buck's eyes. "I'll never forgive myself if anything ever happens to you, but I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life."_

_Buck stood up and helped Paulina to her feet. He looked intensely into her eyes. She was more relaxed and happy than he had ever seen her. The desire was building in him and he wished he had a place to whisk her away to. He wanted to take her right there, but he couldn't. Instead he took her in his arms almost hungrily and pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was surprisingly tender and took them both off guard. They started to spin when the kiss deepened as if dancing to music only the two of them could hear. _

* * *

Buck looked back at Paulina and could almost hear that same music. Paulina was having a hard time keeping her eyes open.

"Paulina, please stay with me," Buck called out. There was something about the way Paulina was responding that was scaring him. He just knew if she fell asleep, she would never wake.

The door burst open and Rachel came in and started to check Paulina over from the other side of the bed. Buck looked up at her with a look practically begging Rachel to tell him everything was going to be alright. Rachel had seen them all through gunshot wounds, illnesses, and injuries. She knew when things looked bad. The lines on her forehead would crease and she'd look like she was going to cry. She didn't wear that expression often. He could only remember her wearing that exact expression when things were really bad. She wore once when she found out Ike had died, a second time when they all found out Noah had been killed, a third time nobody died. It was that time that gave Buck as small sliver of hope. Katy had picked up a stone and tossed the Kid on his head. Rachel wore that look until he woke up. Buck had to believe that Paulina was getting this look the way Kid got that look and not the way Ike or Noah got that look.

"How long has she been like this?" Rachel asked.

"It happened suddenly," Buck said. "One minute we were all talking and then she just crashed."

"Kid's taking care of Lark," Rachel said, "Jimmy went to get the doctor, and Lou's putting together some things for when the doctor gets here."

"What kind of things?" Buck asked.

"Bandages and towels," Rachel said. "I think he'll have to operate after all."

"I don't think he's going to make it," Paulina said with a shivery exhale.

"Now don't be talking like that," Rachel scolded.

"Buck, I love you and Lark more than anything in this world," Paulina began. Her breathing started to become labored and tears started to well up in her eyes. "I have something I need to tell you."

"It can wait until you're better," Buck said. His own eyes were filling with tears.

"No, it can't," Paulina said. "I wrote the bank in Pennsylvania. I wrote them about the money my parents left me."

Buck tried not to let her think he was in any way angry or disappointed. "You know I never cared about that," he said. Paulina never wanted to touch that money because of how people came after her parents for it.

"I know," Paulina said, "I did it for Lark. I didn't want her to ever have a challenge in life when she was grown. I didn't want her to struggle like you did. Not when I could prevent it."

"Are they sending the money here?" Buck asked. That kind of money could bring out all sorts of problems.

"No, it will be in a bank in Chicago," Paulina said. "I put it in a trust for her. She won't be able to use it until she's older. Until then you are in charge of that money."

"Ok," Buck said plainly. If Paulina was really dying he did not want any of their moments from now on to be uncomfortable. He buried his feelings about the money and the issues it would bring with it.

"I'm so sorry. I should have talked it over with you."

"It doesn't matter," Buck said with a forgiving smile. "We'll talk about it when you are well."

Buck let the tears fall from his eyes. He couldn't hold onto his sadness any longer. He felt so helpless. Buck had always loved being Paulina's hero. He was that from the first day he met her. He would gladly do battle with anyone who came looking to hurt her. He had done it once when a man came to take his family away and he would do it again.

Buck was working that day in the marshal's office. He still worked there part-time with Jimmy and Teaspoon being on full time. Kid put in the odd shift here and there too. When Buck was on duty, he made it a habit to watch the stage arrivals. While Paulina had not seen the man who was chasing her in some time, she had also never stayed in one place this long. This day the stage was about thirty minutes late, which was not unusual. What was unusual is that Paulina was in town that day. She had brought a basket lunch and Lark, who was about six months old at the time, with her.

* * *

_Paulina was walking up the board walk to the jail just as Buck was walking out the door to greet the overland stage. Paulina smiled and Buck smiled back at her. The stage door squeaked opened and Paulina's attention turned to the passengers disembarking. Buck watched as Paulina's smile turned to a look of horror. She dropped the basket of food she was carrying and held baby Lark protectively to her chest. Buck spun around to see what had caused such panic in his wife's expression. A man in a dark brown suit had just stepped off the stage coach with his steel eyes locked on Paulina._

_Buck felt his hand go to the butt of his gun as he walked up to the man in the brown suit. Paulina had backed into the side of a nearby building and shielded Lark from the sinister looking man._

"_Excuse me," Buck said to the man. "Can I help you?"_

_The man turned and looked him up and down. "I don't think so," he said._

_The man started to walk toward a cowering Paulina and Buck drew his gun and cocked it. "I said, can I help you," Buck growled._

_The man put his hands in the air and slowly turned. "I have no quarrel with you, Indian," he said. "I have business with that woman there."_

"_Then you have business with me," Buck said pointedly. "That's my wife."_

_The man tilted his head and licked his bottom lip. "Well then, I guess we do have some things to discuss. Name's Winston Martell."_

"_How about we discuss these 'things' in the Marshal's office, Mr. Martell?" Buck suggested pointing to the jailhouse._

_Winston nodded and began walking. Buck put away his gun and followed close behind. When they got to the boardwalk, Paulina joined Buck. She was shaking, but Buck's arm around her put her at ease._

_Paulina sat near the back of the office on a chair away from the desk. Buck referred the man to a seat next to the desk and then sat down himself._

"_Now, give me one reason why I shouldn't lock you up for murder," Buck said menacingly. "My wife said she saw you kill her folks."_

"_I'm innocent," Winston said. "I killed no one."_

"_But you were standing over them with a bloody knife," Paulina said. "I saw you."_

"_They were already dead when I entered the room," Winston informed her. "Besides the real killer has been caught and has been executed."_

"_Who was it?" Paulina asked shakily._

"_Mrs. Bancroft," Winston answered flatly._

"_The nice woman that cooked our Sunday supper?" Paulina asked dumbfounded. "I don't believe she would do something like that."_

"_Well she was convicted," Winston said. "She confessed."_

_Buck and Paulina exchange a look. She expressed in no uncertain terms that she did not believe a word Mr. Martell said. Buck was inclined to agree. There was something not right about this man. Buck would send out some telegrams and check the man's story especially the part about Mrs. Bancroft._

"_Why have you been following Paulina?" Buck asked. "If you don't want to hurt her, then why pursue her?"_

"_I want the foundry," Winston said simply. "I've been running it since she disappeared. I also have some paperwork for her to sign in regards to her inheritance."_

"_Do you have the paperwork with you now," Buck asked._

_Winston nodded, opened a satchel, and produced a packet of papers. Buck reached out his hand to take them and Winston reluctantly handed them over._

"_How long are you planning to stay in town?" Buck asked as he flipped through the packet._

"_Only a few days," Winston answered. Buck noticed the man's gaze shift to Paulina and more precisely Lark._

"_The hotel is just down the street," Buck abruptly informed the man. "We'll look these papers over and if everything is in order we'll get them to you before you leave."_

"_Very well," Winston said with a frown. "How about the sale of the foundry?"_

_He handed Buck another set of papers for the sale of the foundry and Buck took them a flipped through a few pages. He set them down on top of the other papers._

"_We'll think that over and you'll have our answer before you catch the stage back," Buck said curtly. _

_Mr. Martell nodded nervously and backed out of the office and went off to the hotel. _

"_Oh, Buck, I'm scared," Paulina said when they were alone. "I don't believe him."_

_Buck took his family into a protective hug. "I won't let him hurt you," he said. "Teaspoon and I will get to the bottom of this."_

_Buck sat down to finish writing a few inquiries on the desk and looked up at his wife. "From now on, you don't go anywhere alone," he said. "I will always be with you. I promised to protect you and I will."_

_Buck sent a runner with his telegrams and they stayed in the marshal's office while they waited for replies._

"_Paulina, why didn't you tell someone?" Buck asked. He never questioned her before and was curious about the exact chain of events._

"_I was scared, Buck," Paulina answered. "I didn't know what to do and I didn't feel like I could trust anyone."_

"_Why?" Buck asked._

_Paulina took a breath and handed Lark to Buck so she could pace and gesture without disturbing the baby._

"_Mr. Martell ran things for my father," Paulina began. "He was highly respected in the community and I was so busy taking care of my parents that no one ever saw me. When I caught him with the knife, he didn't even give me a chance to ask what happened. He threatened to tell the authorities that I had gone crazy and killed them. He had paperwork drawn up with my father's signature giving him managing control over the foundry."_

_Buck looked at Paulina supportively and urged her to keep talking while he gently rocked Lark to keep her from waking._

"_He gave me a choice between turning me in for the murder and marrying him," Paulina revealed. "He locked me in my room and said I had the night to think about it."_

"_Is that when you got away?" Buck asked. _

_Paulina nodded and then continued the story. "I had all the jewelry in my room," she said. "I had all of mine and my mother's. I had planned to clean it later that evening. I also had some money saved up that I took. I packed a bag with clothes and I climbed out the window. I've been on the run ever since."_

_Buck stood up, took his free arm and wrapped it around his wife._

"_Please don't believe his story," Paulina implored. "He killed my parents. I'm sure of it."_

"_I believe you, Paulina," Buck said. "I'm going to send these telegrams to check out his story. If we can arrest him we will."_

_Paulina looked up to him and smiled. _

"_I'm going to have Teaspoon help us go through these papers," Buck added. "I don't trust him."_

The next few days were tense as Buck kept Paulina constantly escorted when she was out and about. The telegrams were returned and Winston's story seemed to check out, but Buck suspected that the man had framed poor Mrs. Bancroft. Buck and Teaspoon had also found some inconsistencies in the paperwork Mr. Martell presented. If Paulina signed them, she would basically be giving Mr. Martell control of her money. Neither he nor Paulina felt comfortable about that. She would not be signing any papers for this man. Winston Martell did not take the news well. Buck had wanted to avoid confrontation, but that seemed to be the way Martell wanted to resolve things. Paulina was with Rachel that day while Buck was at work. They had thought Winston left, but they were wrong.

"_Buck!" Paulina yelled from the street as she ran to the jailhouse. "Buck, she's gone!"_

_Buck was on his feet and out the door quicker than he ever had been in his life. "Paulina, who's gone?" he asked._

"_Lark! Someone took our baby!" Paulina cried. "I laid the baby down for a nap and I took one too. When I woke up, she was gone."_

_Buck sprang into action and found a trail leading away from Rachel's house. Jimmy, Kid, and Teaspoon soon joined Buck and the quartet raced across the prairie to save Buck's little girl. They found Winston holed up in an old abandoned cabin. He talked tough about doing the little girl harm, but Buck could hear his panic. Lark was crying and he couldn't quiet her. Every cry his little girl made, ripped a piece of his soul, but he needed to keep his wits about him. Every cry Lark made would also be Winston's undoing. It kept him off balance and also distracted him from noticing that Buck was sneaking in behind the man while Jimmy and Kid prepared to go through the front door. Teaspoon did all the talking and that with everything else that was happening allowed the boys to get the jump on Winston Martell. Buck snuck up behind him just as Jimmy and Kid burst through the door. Lark was safely in Buck's arms before Winston had time to react._

_Lark quieted as soon as she was resting against Buck's chest. Winston did not quiet. It seems being caught only made him crazy._

"_Just you wait Indian, when I get free I'm going to take your family just like I took Paulina's," Winston said. "I'm going to take your whore of a wife and her money. That was how it was supposed to be in the first place. She was mine."_

_Buck just reacted. He pulled his gun and shot the man square in the chest. He didn't blink. It was almost like Neville all over again. This man would skirt the law with technicalities and Paulina would never be free. He had the power to free her from her tormentor and he took it. Teaspoon gave him the 'look' again. Kid was too stunned to say anything, but Jimmy spoke up._

"_He went for my gun," Jimmy said and he gave Buck a nod indicating he would have done the same._

* * *

Buck had protected his family that day, but today was different. There was no bad guy to defeat. Paulina choked back a cough and Buck nearly gasped aloud. A small tickle of blood slid from the corner of her mouth.

"Buck promise me you'll find love again," Paulina choked out. "I don't want to think of you alone."

"I can't promise that," Buck said. "There has only ever been you. There will only be you, besides you're going to be fine."

"Buck, I think we both know I'm not going to be fine," Paulina said sadly. "Please, promise me?"

"I promise," Buck lied.

"Liar," Paulina teased and coughed a bit more.

Buck heard feet shuffling in the background and knew Lou and Kid were in the room and Jimmy too. He was glad for the support and love he felt at his back. The doctor rushed over to where Rachel stood. Buck looked up and saw tears streaming down her face. The doctor shook his head. Buck looked back down at his wife and gently stroked her forehead.

"I hear the train coming, Buck," Paulina whispered.

"Please, don't leave," Buck said. "Please stay with me, stay with Lark."

"Tell Lark, I love her very much," Paulina requested, "Everyday. Please, I don't want her to think I left because I didn't love her."

"I will, I promise," Buck said with tears streaming down his face. "I love you."

"I love you too," Paulina said. "I loved you from the first time I met you."

"Me too," Buck said.

Paulina let her eyes flutter closed. Buck leaned over and gave his wife one last kiss. He felt her slip away from him. He couldn't hold her there. Buck collapsed against her and cried into her chest. He heard the footsteps of his friends and the doctor moving to give him privacy. The door closed and Buck let his grief out.

* * *

**A/N: I'm so sorry. Paulina really grew on me and it kind of gutted me to write this chapter. Paulina's death was planned since the inception of the story and by the time I got here I actually had second thoughts about having her die, but I decided to remain true to the story. I felt so bad every time one of you decided you liked or loved her.**

**Thanks to Paola and Mercy for all the great advice this story and to Shauna for making me resolve my matches. There is one more chapter left of this story and I see the possibility of more stories in this universe for the future.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I'm going to put up the Hanky Advisory again, because I cried when I wrote this**

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

The sun had set, but Buck could not pull himself away from his wife. He sat on the cold hard floor holding her hand and he rested his head on her stomach. Her body was cold now, but he still kept expecting her to open her eyes and tease him. There was a soft knock on the door, but Buck did not say anything. He desperately wanted whoever it was on the other side of the door to come in and tell him everything was going to be alright. He knew everything was not alright. Nothing would be alright ever again.

A second knock came at the door, louder this time, and again Buck did not say anything. He did not even move. He just kept looking into Paulina's face. She looked so peaceful. He never wanted to move from that spot. If he answered the door, they would make him move. He would have to admit she was gone. Buck could not bring himself to do that. Not right now.

The door clicked open and a pool of lamplight spilled into the room. Buck still did not move. His eyes fell to where he was holding Paulina's hand. Her hand was very cold and it was becoming stiff. His tears had stopped falling and he was just numb. He wanted her back.

Footsteps began in the doorway hesitant at first, but now they kept getting closer. He could tell Rachel was trying to figure out something to say to comfort him. Probably something about her late husband Henry Dunne and how she understood what he was going through. Buck did not want to hear it, not really.

Buck heard the door frame creak. Someone had come with Rachel. Rachel had stopped walking and pivoted on her foot to look back at the person at the door. The person at the door started walking in. The footfalls were heavier than any of the riders ever made. The other person must have been Teaspoon. He kept walking and stopped to sit at the end of the bed. He did not want Teaspoon to tell him he knew what he was going through either.

When Buck lost his heart, he lost it completely and he did not deal with loss well. Losing Ike had nearly destroyed him. He did not know what he was going to do now. He needed Paulina back.

"Son," Teaspoon's voice cracked behind him. "I'm so sorry. I know this ain't easy and I'm not going to tell you I know how you feel. I'm here if you need me and I will be for as long as you need me."

Buck nodded in acknowledgement. He just could not do anything other than that right now.

"Buck, I know you don't want to be thinking about this right now," Rachel said, "but did you and Paulina ever talk about what she would have wanted?"

Buck knew Rachel only wanted to help. He kept reminding himself that she meant well. In fact, she was probably right. He could not keep Paulina here even if he wanted to. He could not stop time. He could not go back.

"Please leave me alone," Buck said barely above a whisper. He was not ready to move on without her.

"Son, you've been up here for hours," Teaspoon said gently. "Why don't you let Rachel take care of her now."

"No," Buck growled.

Buck felt the two of them looking at each other even if he could not see it. They were making judgments about his sanity and trying to figure out how hard to push. Buck just wanted to be alone. He just wanted to be there in case she came back. She was not coming back. He knew that but to admit it would make it final and irretrievable. It felt like a betrayal to give up.

One set of foot falls left the room and closed the door. Buck figured those to be Rachel. The other's got up and sat down in the rocking chair. Those he figured to be Teaspoon. Buck really wanted to be angry that Teaspoon stayed, but he just could not do it. Teaspoon remained silent. He just sat and waited for Buck to say something. Teaspoon waited a long time.

A full moon showed its beams through the bedroom window and somehow Buck thought it would revive his Paulina, but it didn't. It was very late now.

"I want someone to blame," Buck said breaking the silence. "I'm so angry and I want someone to blame. I want to blame the doctor for not saving her. I want to blame those outlaws for robbing the bank and I want to blame you. I want to blame you for getting me to go on that posse. If I wasn't on that posse I would been able to take her home myself. She would be safe and alive right now. She would be fretting about that pile of mending in the corner. She would have kissed our daughter goodnight. She would be alive and pregnant with my child."

Teaspoon said nothing he just watched and waited.

"I want to blame myself and I want to blame her," Buck said. "I can't blame her, Teaspoon, I can't. I want to and I can't. I blamed Ike for leaving and it didn't do any good. I won't do any good to blame her. I just want her back."

Teaspoon's face looked at him sympathetically, but still he said nothing. He was waiting for something. Maybe waiting until it was safe. That was probably it. If Teaspoon said one word about knowing how he felt, Buck would have laid into him with venom. It would have been undeserved, but it would have felt good to lash out at something.

"When Neville killed Ike, I had someone to blame," Buck said. "I hated that man and if I could have killed him more than once I would have. This doesn't make any sense to me, Teaspoon."

"I know, Son," Teaspoon said quietly.

"She was young, beautiful, and healthy," Buck continued. "She was kind and gentle. This isn't fair. I don't know if I can handle it."

"I know you can, Buck," Teaspoon said. "You have your family to lean on and we're gonna be here with you every step of the way. We all loved her too and we'll all take care of you and Lark."

"Does Lark know?" Buck asked. He had a hard time deciding which his preference was. He dreaded telling his daughter that her mother had passed, but he also did not want her to get the news from anyone else.

"No, Son, she doesn't," Teaspoon said with a sigh. "We thought you should be the one to tell her."

Buck nodded. Somehow he would gather the strength to face his little girl. It would be easier to face Jimmy in a gunfight, Buck decided.

"How am I supposed to raise her alone?" Buck wondered. "I don't understand girls."

Teaspoon could not help but laugh. "Son, you ain't alone on that one," he said, "I've been married six times and I still don't understand girls, but you got Lou and Rachel to help you. When she gets older and boys start sniffin' around her, well you got Jimmy and Kid to help you fight them off."

"Don't forget Lou," Buck said softly. "She won't let us ride off without her."

Buck could not help but grin at the thought of Jimmy, Kid, Lou, and himself chasing away teenage boys to protect Lark's virtue. It would be just like old times.

Teaspoon had smiled along with him, but now his face turned serious again. Buck let out a sigh. His own change in mood would prompt Teaspoon to ask him to deal with things he did not want to deal with.

"Buck, did Paulina ever say what she would have wanted?" Teaspoon asked with a nod to his wife.

Buck looked at the ceiling and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, we talked about it once, disagreed about it really," he answered.

A couple of year ago, early in the day, Buck had been out breaking horses. He got tossed off one and thrown into a fence. He had lost consciousness for a couple of minutes. Paulina was panicked when she found him. It was shortly after Lark was born and Paulina was still sure she was going to get Buck killed by her mere presence. To see him sprawled out on the ground like that had scared her. That night after dinner she had brought up the subject of funeral wishes.

Buck had reassured her that he was fine all through the rest of the day, but she could not let it go.

* * *

"_Buck, what if you died?" Paulina asked with tears in her eyes. "I know neither one of us wants to ever think like that but what if it happened?"_

"_I'm fine," Buck said annoyed. "I promise I'll be more careful."_

"_I guess I'm not being clear," Paulina said. "I don't really want to think about it, but I don't know how to bury you. What would you want me to do?"_

_Buck's lips parted in surprise. It was true they had never talked about it._

"_It isn't my custom to bury the dead," Buck answered. He did not feel comfortable talking about this. "We burn them and set their spirit free."_

_Buck looked at Paulina's face, she looked horrified. "I couldn't do that," she whispered. _

"_It is what I believe," Buck said. "I would want you to."_

"_Please, don't do that to me," Paulina requested. "I….please just don't do that to me. I don't want to be burned, I want to be buried. It's my family's custom."_

_Buck looked sad for a moment._

"_What?" Paulina asked._

"_If your spirit is not set free we will never find each other in the afterlife."_

"_Says who?" Paulina asked._

_Buck tried to be calm and rational about this, but he recognized that spiritual beliefs were rarely rational._

"_If your body is burned into ash you won't be resurrected after the second coming of Christ," Paulina said. "We won't be able to be together for eternity."_

_Buck opened his mouth slightly. He wanted to tell her that her religion was crazy, but he could see in her eyes that her religion meant a lot to her. She was just as scared of not finding him in the afterlife as he was of not finding her. _

"_I do not want to be buried," Buck said. "My people believe it traps the spirit in the earth. I don't want that."_

"_I'm going to spend the rest of my life convincing you otherwise," Paulina said. "We're going to live to be old and gray so I have plenty of time."_

* * *

"She wanted to be buried," Buck said as a new tears rolled down his cheeks. "She wanted a Christian burial."

"You're not sure you can do it," Teaspoon surmised, "are you?"

Buck shook his head, no. He thought trapping someone's spirit in the ground was one of the worst things you could do to a person.

"Buck, I know this is hard for you," Teaspoon said. "I lived among both Indians and Christians and I know how important their burial rituals are to them."

"Burial was reserved for the worst among us," Buck said. "I loved her, how can I do that to her?"

"It is what she wanted," Teaspoon said. "That's all you need to remember."

Buck nodded.

"I think we should let Rachel take care of her now," Teaspoon suggested. "Is there a dress she would have wanted to wear?"

"Her yellow one," Buck said. "She loved the color yellow."

Buck stood up and looked down at his wife. She looked at peace and almost like she was sleeping. He clutched his heart. The ache he felt was almost physical.

"I need to see Lark."

"Lou and Kid put her to bed a while ago in her room," Teaspoon said standing up.

Buck's muscles were stiff and sore from sitting in such an awkward position for so long. He took a deep breath and walked to the door. Grabbing a hold of the knob, he hesitated, turned and looked back at the bed.

"She'll be right here, Buck," Teaspoon said. "We wouldn't move her without telling you."

Buck scrunched his eyes closed, trying to gather the courage to leave the room. This was one of the hardest things he had done today. It almost seemed to pale in comparison to what was coming. Buck turned the knob and left the room and stood in the hallway. The house seemed so empty now. It was almost as if a curtain had been lifted. The comfortable home he shared with his family was now somehow hard and cold.

He was so tired, but he needed to see his little girl. He needed to see that she was alright and sleeping soundly. Buck's feet felt so heavy as he walked across the hallway. He paused only briefly before opening the door.

Lark was snuggled in her bed with a small stuffed bear tucked underneath her arm. Her blankets were about halfway down her body. A small shiver rippled through her little body. Buck grabbed hold of the blankets and pulled them over her shoulders. He placed a feather light kiss on her forehead. She smiled contently as if in the middle of a pleasant dream. Everything would change when she woke, but for now he let her sleep and dream happily.

Buck sank his weary body into the rocking chair in the corner of the room. Paulina loved rocking chairs. There was one in practically every room of the house. Buck leaned his head back in the chair and looked out the window. The clouds were starting to roll in and Buck thought they might be in for some rain. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Buck felt a tugging on his pant leg. He opened his eyes and looked down. It was morning and Lark was awake.

"Up, Papa," Lark said.

Buck picked his daughter up and sat her on his lap facing him. She smiled at him and it brought tears to his eyes. Paulina's smile would live on in her daughter.

"Papa sad?" Lark asked.

"Yes, Little One, Papa is sad," he said. This was going to be much harder than he thought.

"Why?" Lark asked.

Buck tried to figure out a way to tell his daughter the bad news but he was not having much luck. Lark stood on his legs and started to wipe the tears from his face with her small hands. She leaned in and gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"All better now?" Lark asked.

Buck really wanted to tell her "yes", but he could not. He needed to tell her the truth.

"I have something I need to tell you, Little One," Buck said with a strained voice. He hugged Lark tightly and then sat her back down on his lap. There was no way to sugar coat what he needed to tell her. He just needed to tell her in a way that she would understand.

Lark looked up at Buck with curious, but sad eyes. Buck figured she must know the news he had was not good news.

"You remember that Mama was hurt in the accident?" Buck asked.

Lark nodded as she started playing with her toes.

"Well she was hurt worse than the doctor thought," Buck continued. "Her body just couldn't work anymore."

"Can she get a new one?" Lark asked.

"No, she can't," Buck said wishing it were that easy.

Lark looked up at Buck confused. "Lark, Mama died," Buck choked out. "She wanted to stay with us but she couldn't."

Lark's bottom lip began to curl downward and Buck wasn't sure if she understood.

"Want Mama," Lark said.

"I know, I do too," Buck said. "She will always be with us in our hearts."

* * *

The funeral was held the next day. It was difficult but Buck finally came to terms with burying Paulina in the ground. He did not like it, but he would do it because it is what she wanted. Before the service he did something he had not done since he was at the mission school. He prayed to the Christian God.

"I know we've never seen eye to eye on many things, but I always felt that your core message was a message of love," Buck said as he kneeled alone in the church. "She believed in you and I'm trusting you to take care of her. Please, don't let me down."

Buck sat in for a while in quiet contemplation and when he turned around Rachel was waiting in the doorway with Lark in her arms. He had debated the logic of bringing Lark to the service but decided that she should be there to say goodbye to her mother. She was also being a little bit clingy about Buck. She would not let him out of her sight and always wanted him to hold her. Buck didn't mind. He really needed to hold to her too.

Most of the town had shown up for Paulina's funeral and that moved Buck more than he could express. His family was all there except for Cody, Louisa, and their children. All during the service Buck kept looking off onto the horizon. The lure of getting on a horse and riding to places unknown was tempting. It is what he did when things became too overwhelming. He rode out after Ike had died. It was just running away, he knew, but it gave him time to think without pressure. He would have a hard time being at the farm. Everything reminded him of Paulina. The vegetables in the garden needed weeding, badly. Paulina had planted most of them before she went off to Chicago with Lark and for obvious reasons did not have a chance to tend them. The whole house was infused with Paulina. The only problem was Lark. She was too little to take on the trail. Maybe he could leave her with Rachel for a while.

Buck was so into his own thoughts that he did not realize the funeral was over. He was standing at the gravesite with just his immediate family standing with him.

"Rachel, why don't you take Lark for a walk," Teaspoon suggested. "I want to talk with Buck for a moment."

"Alright," Rachel answered and took Lark from Buck's arms. "Come here, Sweetie."

Rachel took Lark and Theresa led Peter, Ellie, and Seth along too. Buck was left with Teaspoon and the riders.

"Buck, I see that look in your eye," Teaspoon said. "You can't leave."

"I don't think I can stay, Teaspoon," Buck said quietly. "She's everywhere. It hurts too much."

"What about Lark?" Lou asked. "You can't take her with you and you can't leave her here alone."

"I thought maybe Rachel could take her for a while," Buck said. "I just need to get away."

Buck wanted to look away from his friends, but he caught the angry looks out of the corners of his eyes.

"Buck, she just lost her mother," Jimmy said gently. "We don't want to explain to her why her father isn't here either. She's lost enough, don't you think?"

"She needs you and you need her," Lou added.

"I don't think I can do it alone," Buck said sadly.

"You ain't alone," Kid said. "We've been with you through everything and we ain't about to leave you now."

"Besides, Buck, if you leave you know you ain't coming back," Teaspoon said. "The longer you stay away the harder it will be to go back into that house and the harder it will be to face that little girl of yours."

Buck knew everything they were saying was true. He didn't want to come back and he was trying to justify leaving his little girl behind. His thinking was that she would have a better life if she did not have a broken man for a father. They were right though, he couldn't leave her. He'd promised Paulina that he would tell Lark everyday that her mother loved her. He also remembered what it was like to be abandoned. He just couldn't do that to her. There were a couple of times Paulina wanted to run away and he would not let her. He needed to apply the same logic here. He could not run away from Lark. He loved her and no matter what he told himself, she would be better off with him than without him.

"Will you come out to the house today?" Buck asked his family. "I just can't be there alone."

Teaspoon, Lou and Kid did not hesitate in agreeing.

"I'll do you one better, Buck," Jimmy said. "I'm tired of bunking at the jail with Teaspoon. How 'bout I come out to your place and stay with you and Lark for a while?"

"I guess we can ask Lark if that's alright," Buck said with a weak smile.

Rachel and Theresa came back with the kids. Lark looked sad and confused but reached for Buck as soon as he was within reach. Buck took his little girl in his arms and hugged her tightly.

"Lark, would you like it if Uncle Jimmy came and stayed with us for a while?" Buck asked.

"Will unco Jimmy make me powidge every day?" Lark asked with a wrinkled up face.

"I can make other things for breakfast," Jimmy said defensively. "I can make anything you want."

Lark started to smile as Buck tickled her a little.

"Okay, Unco Jimmy can stay," Lark decided.

The whole family smiled and few laughs were had at Jimmy's expense.

Lark yawned and put her head in the crook of Buck's neck. "Home, Papa?"

Buck smiled and looked at his family. "Yes, Little One, let's go home."

* * *

**A/N: Thank you so much everyone who read and reviewed this story. It means so much to me that you liked it and the characters. This story was a difficult structure to keep straight in my brain and I learned a lot from it. **

**First and foremost I need to thank the ladies on google plus. Our community there has meant the world to me and I don't think I would be the writer I am without you. Thank you for brainstorming Paulina's and Lark's names with me. **

**Thank you to Mercy, Paola, and Shauna for asking all the right questions as I fleshed out this story. Your feedback was so useful and honest and I appreciate every comment you made. They challenged me and I grew as a writer because of it. Finally, thank you to Leah for looking over this last chapter for me and helping me see that it was done. Sometimes that extra set of eyes is essential. I felt like I had lost all objectivity and your kind words and honest feedback were really helpful.**

**I see more stories for Buck and Lark. I just love that little girl! I think they can have some nice adventures in growing up. We'll see if Jimmy helps or hinders ;)**


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